2022-6-8 Wednesday-Mom’s

If the meaning of life is to create new memories, the inability to do so is the equivalent of death. 

Loydean Virginia Noyes Spearman July 5, 1957 - January 14, 2018

Loydean was Dino to me. She was rarely Loydean - so that might seem strange for a bit.  

I could ramble on about her for a day and a night; all our stories. SO MANY STORIES

But she's gonna start rolling her eyes at me soon enough. "Wrap it up" she'll say. "Make a long story sorta shorter."

Ok, ok... I'll try, as hard as I can, to narrow your 60 years and our 20 years down to something less than that, love.

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There are people in life who you realize, have the same sense of humor as you. Those are the people you end up becoming best friends with.

Dino and I met 20 years ago, working together at The Hub Group. We had the same sense of humor. She was FUNNY. WE were HILARIOUS.

-          Once, she swiped the car keys from the briefcase of one of our co-workers. She came around and asked me to sneak out with her. Following her lead, we grabbed up all the toilet paper we could carry. We proceeded to wrap his car, outside AND inside. Every knob, wheel, seat and cubbyhole, stuffed with white tissue. We didn't do it for any special reason. It wasn't his birthday or anniversary. It was just a random Tuesday.

That was Dino.

-          Dino decided once that she wanted to play hooky and go to Six Flags. We both called in sick and we went! She had this CRAZY sense of adventure. She'd try anything once! Every roller coaster; that big Superman thing that hangs you in a chair 40 stories up. I HATED that thing. She laughed and hollered the whole time.

-          Dino was an incredible friend. She would talk to absolutely anyone; in the store, on the street, on a bus, it didn’t matter. She talked to EVERYONE. But she also HEARD everyone. If you told her your story, she kept it for you. Somewhere in her heart she had an endless storage of our stories. She would tell your story back to you any time you needed it or just to make you laugh.  Sometimes, she'd share with you the story of another friend - if it could help YOU.

She knew all of our stories.

-          My father had cancer at the end of 2005. Dino was my soundingboard. She was the person I talked to and cried to. She was there and comforting.

When I had questions, she searched her friends for anyone with an answer. She was always connecting people who could help one another. She had a very magical way of doing that.

When Dad passed, I went to Houston to be with my family. Dino drove down, 250 miles, all by herself. I didn’t even know. She did it just to be at that funeral. Just to be there for ME. And I needed her. Seeing her there was SUCH a relief - a connection to my reality.  She was my rock.

-          For a long time, I thought I was the only person left in Dino's world. I look out here today and I'm overwhelmed; elated, to see all the people she has touched; all these connections. SO MUCH LOVE. 

-          It was difficult, at times, for all of us I'm sure, to understand why one small person, who was so very kind, should suffer so greatly. Regardless of her pain though, she ALWAYS, ALWAYS wanted everyone else to smile. She would do just about anything to share a smile - and pass it on. She literally cheered OUR victories. OUR JOYS brought her happiness.

She was just the most giving, selfless, sweet soul I've ever known.

-          Thank goodness for Little Otis da Pug. Sweet, precious puppy that he is. He was her solace and her purpose these last 12 years. I will always believe he knew what momma was going through and truly cared; precious little pug.

-          Thank goodness also, for dear George. George, there aren't words to express gratitude for all you have done for our Loydean. She would truly have been lost without you. She told me every story of every trip you took. She only ever said kind, fun things about your time together and she understood the depth of your patience. She was grateful for you, I do hope you know.

Finally - and most importantly – we cannot celebrate the life of Dino, without celebrating her as a Mother. Being a mother was her greatest love.  

Dino was a great Mom. There aren't words enough to express how she doted on Jessica. Jess was her REASON for all things; her PURPOSE in life - and she was GOOD at being a mom.

There were sleepovers, birthdays, Christmases. There WERE good, happy times. There was Dance, Drill team, Dale Earnhardt Jr and that Nirvana phase. That first job at Red Lobster, Highschool and College graduation. Vacations, beaches, Sea World, New York and Washington DC.

Dino, as a mom was stern, fair, and fun, and she raised a beautiful, responsible, very well rounded child.

This memorial would not be complete without Jessica's voice:

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My dear friend, I miss you. We had one grand 20 year long conversation. We were whole and honest and open all that time. We had some really, really hard times. We had some damned great, fun, beautiful times too.

I still catch myself wanting to dial the phone - but you're not on the other end of it now.

I know, we ALL KNOW, that you are where you belong, though. You were away from her for far too long.

Please give Jessica a hug for me. Tell her I missed her too.

I'm glad you're up there now, with your Granny and Uncle Lloyd; Momma Marjorie, Junior, Snowball, Dad, Mickey & Moochie.... I know you're in good company and you're finally safe and smiling and able to rest.

Until we meet again, my dearest friend.

I love you to the moon and around and around and right back down to your heart.

You know how sometimes you have two conflicting thoughts in your head (eat the donut, don't eat the donut), and it feels like they are arguing with each other? Well, your identity (who you truly are), is neither one of those voices; you're the one watching the argument. Does that make sense? 

 ~ Timber Hawkeye

A Man Falls Seven Times Before He Rises Up

5-31-15 Awoke early. Watched a bit of Joel Osteen; which I liked quite well. His sermon was about the "bumps in the road" being placed there to give us the opportunity to learn and grow. Decided that's true and it's high time I did. THAT was the point, after all. Did 45 minutes of Strength/Balance Yoga. Colored my hair. Showered. Dressed. Now cooking. Going to cook/chop/prepare for the week. Only meat and vegetables. Nothing unhealthy. Feeling ready to focus on myself. Feeling ready to draw too. Feeling like my heart is in it. 

GET YOUR FIRE BACK

                       

48 Things I Know for Sure

1. Fix yourself first.
2. Wisely choose who you spend your time with because they will influence you.
3. "When people show you who they are, believe them." - Maya Angelou
4. If the person you are in a relationship with is really into you, it won't be a mystery.
5. There's a difference between feeling better and getting better.
6. Always be reading a book you don't want to put down.
7. Continually work to reduce the things that irritate you. Scale down that irritation list.
8. If you have a job you dread, find another job and quit the one you dread. You should wake up with joy, not a knot in your stomach.
9. Every decision you make, no matter how small, shapes how you feel about yourself.
10. Don't do tension. Create a tension-free home. If your house is full of tension, your kids feel it too.
11. Life only stays the same if you do.
12. Live with the awareness that a single decision can change everything.
13. Your strengths are your guideposts to your purpose.
14. If you were taught that life is difficult and has to be endured, reject the notion. Life is about thriving.
15. Don't date someone you want to fix or rescue.
16. Don't get in a relationship with someone who doesn't show signs of empathy.
17. Ask yourself if you are in denial about anything. Then do what most won't do: Run toward it. Expose it to light. Fix it.
18. Decide what kind of life you want and then construct your life according to that vision.
19. Learn from the success of others so you don't waste time.
20. If you are in the right relationship, life improves. Period.
21. Be more interested in what other people have to say than what you have to say.
22. Marry your best friend.
23. Face the darkness, stare it down and own it.
24. You can learn something from everyone.
25. Don't be a victim.
26. Design your own day and fill it with lots of tiny things that make you happy.
27. Set boundaries with the people in your life.
28. Shatter your external mirrors. Don't let other people determine how you should feel about you.
29. Don't neglect your needs for the sake of other people.
30. Share your imperfections, it connects us to each other on a real level.
31. Don't try and fix your parents for what they did or didn't do. Just claim responsibility for fixing yourself.
32. You teach people how to treat you.
33. Do at least one thing every day you love.
34. Always be honest, it lightens your load.
35. If you are broken, you will choose someone who is broken.
36. Never emotionally react to something right after it happens. Think first.
37. Leave something unsaid every day.
38. What people say and do has a lot more to do with them than it does you.
39. If it has to be a secret, don't do it.
40. You are stronger than you think you are.
41. Smile and say Hello to strangers.
42. Never hold your fork with a fist. Basic manners speak volumes.
43. Learn how to comfort yourself.
44. Lots of problems could be solved if people just talked openly about things.
45. Anticipation is a big part of happiness. Plan things you can look forward to that will make you happy.
46. Living with gratitude is the pathway to joy.
47. "Nothing works until you do." Maya Angelou
48. You already know the answer.

You have to do 

whatever you can't not do.

Amazing the changes a year can bring. 

Amazing the sameness 20 years can be. 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Jow7c0EVXeM

Find The Others....


"Admit it. You aren’t like them. You’re not even close. You may occasionally dress yourself up as one of them, watch the same mindless television shows as they do, maybe even eat the same fast food sometimes. But it seems that the more you try to fit in, the more you feel like an outsider, watching the “normal people” as they go about their automatic existences. For every time you say club passwords like “Have a nice day” and “Weather’s awful today, eh?”, you yearn inside to say forbidden things like “Tell me something that makes you cry” or “What do you think deja vu is for?”. Face it, you even want to talk to that girl in the elevator. But what if that girl in the elevator (and the balding man who walks past your cubicle at work) are thinking the same thing? Who knows what you might learn from taking a chance on conversation with a stranger? Everyone carries a piece of the puzzle. Nobody comes into your life by mere coincidence. Trust your instincts. Do the unexpected. Find the others…” - Timothy Leary

What is that fear? What is the freedom?