Mediator

Main Entry: 2me·di·ate
Pronunciation: 'mE-dE-"At
Function: verb
Inflected Form(s): -at·ed; -at·ing
Etymology: Medieval Latin mediatus, past participle of mediare, from Late Latin, to be in the middle, from Latin medius middle
transitive verb
1 a : to bring accord out of by action as an intermediary b : to effect by action as an intermediary
2 a : to act as intermediary agent in bringing, effecting, or communicating : CONVEY b : to transmit as intermediate mechanism or agency
intransitive verb
1 : to interpose between parties in order to reconcile them
2 : to reconcile differences

I believe that the first year of loss is the most difficult. I believe that everyone grieves differently and on an entirely different timescale as another might grieve the same loss. I believe that no loss is greater than another; every loss is entire to the individual left behind...left alive.

I believe that loss and grieving changes us in ways we had no idea we could change. I believe that change comes gradually...and yet, it comes constantly. Some changes are for the better. Some changes are much worse.
I believe grief over-rides patience. That is one consistency I see in all of us.
We have less patience for each other.
I believe loss makes us selfish, even if for only a time. Suddenly our world revolves around us - our loss - our emotions - our ability or inability to cope with every little thing.
I believe that loss confuses reason. It blows up our emotions and makes us incapable of realizing the affect we have on others.

I believe it makes us very sad.

I believe that loss takes all of the puzzle pieces of our lives and throws them to the wind for us to find again and put them back. I believe we never find them all and when we do, they don't fit where they were before.

I believe we love each other as much but we want each other to see our pain instead of feel their own. Misery/company etc.

I wish (but I no longer believe in wishes).
I wish we could stop over-emoting and start understanding. I wish we could put patience and sympathy before anything we want. I wish we could love unconditionally, like we're supposed to. Like we do but we don't express anymore.
I wish we could all step back and accept that we are cracked and bruised and aching and full of fear for our own futures.

I wish. I try.
I see us falling apart.
I can't stop it. I can't mediate.

But tomorrow things will be different. I wait for tomorrow and I pray.