Tuesday, January 31, 2006

1-31-06 quiz

Here's a little fun for today. Southern or Yankee?

That should be quite interesting for Christa.
I scored an 82% Southern. :) (which is actually bad considering I've never lived outside of Texas.)
For the record, I'm one of the few who know what a Feeder Street is.
And it's "crawdad" and "doodlebug" too. hee hee

Truth is that I don't drawl all that much. My mother taught me to "e-nun-ci-ate!!!"

Aside from that, I've lost my fractal-mojo again. I liked this one because I think it looks like a womb...and that makes me think of safe and warm and that's a good thought.

Everyone have a wonderful Tuesday.
Love and hugs.

Monday, January 30, 2006

1-30-01 Monday

Sunday was a wasted day. Did nothing at all.
Painted the blogwalls a bit but don't know if I really care for the outcome. Think I want a do-over. Even had a fractal-blah day. Couldn't get my mojo working. Ah well. No complaints. The hubby had exactly the same kind of day. I guess we're allowed to blow one off every now and again.

Of course, it goes completely against everything in my brain right now. My thoughts are more along the line of "don't waste a single moment" and "life is too short for butt-on-couch days".

That was the entire theme of the Queen Latifa movie. My personal critique (move over Ebert) is that the movie is very "rentable". Which means, "don't spend the rediculous sum of money that the theater charges just to see it." It was a nice date-movie kind of thing. I'll give that it had a few very good tear-jerker moments....but that was probably just me.

***SO***Since my mind is saying "don't waste" and "love your family and friends and make them feel loved" I have this very important thing to add.
I spent the 4+hrs with my best friend listening to her story about the nasty arguement she had with her daughter. Of course Momma Bear thinks she's entirely right. Baby Bear (20yrs old and 4.0 in pre-law) thinks Momma Bear doesn't love her when she yells. She also, of course, thinks she's completely right.

Now I used to get in the middle of these things. Counsel, if you will. It's my nature.
I can see both sides. I am the objective one. (A trait from my father who negotiated many a heated arguement between my mother and I in my youth).
This time.........this time all I could do is sigh and say "I just think it's sad that the two of you are fighting when you only have 4 months left before she goes out of state."
What I'm thinking is "she could die in a car wreck tonight and wouldn't you wish you weren't right then?"
Dr. Phil's voice in my head "Do you want to be right or do you want to be happy?"
Pick happy please.
I just kept repeating "Does it really matter? Is it all that important?"
It wasn't a trivial arguement. Momma Bear is mostly right...but in the grand scheme of things, it just isn't important to fight about it. Momma Bear wants Baby Bear to be more considerate of Momma Bear (who does everything for her). Momma Bear wants Baby Bear to "GROW UP!"
And I say, "Momma Bear, the only thing that will ever make her "GROW UP" is experience. All the screaming you ever do will not change her. She simply has to learn on her own."

I can fight as hard as the next person. I can hold a grudge for years.
But if you have an arguement with someone you love, for crissakes, let them off the hook - let yourself off the hook - and end it with "I love you."
In case they step in front of a bus.

Have a GOOD Monday all. XOXOXO

Saturday, January 28, 2006

1-28-06 It's a date....

My dear best friend has a free pass to a chinese food restaurant.
I have a free pass for two to a movie.
Dinner and a movie - for free.
That will be my Saturday.
I am looking for downtime and relaxation. Probably not the best choice of movie on my part - "Last Vacation" with Queen Latifa. I know the pretense. I seem to feel the need to be exposed to that sort of thing often. Maybe it is what I relate to. Maybe I need, as Morrie said, "to feel".

Regardless. I'll just call it time off with a friend and make it as good as I can.

Ah, also...it's raining today. We're happy for rain because we've had so little in the last year. I'm happy for rain because it might make things grow and I need springtime. I need NEW very very badly. I need an end to what has become the longest winter of my life.
Grow flowers! Flock birds! Warm sun!

I saw a clip of Johnny Cash reciting a poem about the flag. One of the lines struck me as ironically amusing. He said "She's in pretty good shape for the shape she's in."
That's me. That will become my response for all of those poeple who keep asking "How are you doing?" Maybe it will give them a grin too. :)


Friday, January 27, 2006

1-27-2006 F R I D A Y

There's an old saying "Imagine how old we'd be if we got our wish, always asking for Friday and 5:00."
I guess that means we'd skip a lot of Mondays-Thursdays.
Regardless, it is 6:30a.m. on Friday and all I really want is for it to be 5:oop.m.

It will come.

I walked out of the building last night to behold the most glorious sunset.
A line of gold along the horizon fading up to peach, then to pale yellow then to the blue-grey clouds...but the most wonderful part was that the bottom edges of every cloud as far as you could see was...pink. Like they were all just touched by a paintbrush. I took the time to stop and soak it all in.
What crossed my mind was "Look! Look as often and as much as you can. One day you may not be able to look anymore."

I wish I had had a camera. I wish I could hand you all that magnificent sky.
I hope you get to see your own magnificent sunset soon.

Thursday, January 26, 2006

1-26-07 Back it up....quick!!!

Is it just me or did blogger's dashboard change entirley....along with every other screen.

Ok, that's it. I've got way too much info to lose here so I'm going to have to spend tonight backing up the whole blog. YIKES.

Since it appears to be malfunctioning badly at the moment, I'll just leave you with a tapestry. This is the image of the woven lives of friends and bloggers. Gold for goodness and blue for compassion.

Love and hugs and happy Thursday.

(Turns out it was a connection issue betwixt myself and blogger. Still going to back it up. Might need that timeline.)

Wednesday, January 25, 2006

Lotus of the Light

"People come into your life for a reason, a season, or a lifetime. When you figure out which it is, you’ll know exactly what to do."
-Michelle Ventor

1-25-06 Fractaliciousness

I had a good fractal night. Roll

Mrs. Spider

“The artist is a receptacle for the emotions that come from all over the place: from the sky, from the earth, from a scrap of paper, from a passing shape, from a spider's web.”
Pablo Picasso


“My God! It's full of stars."
Dr. Dave Bowman at the moment of his death - 2001: A Space Oddesy


"Good and evil do not befall men without reason. Heaven sends them happiness or misery according to their conduct."

Tuesday, January 24, 2006

1-24-06 Ptooie

I still like the overly-dramatic, faking sick guy on the top left. I'm keeping him another day. He makes me laugh.

Here's to the hope that today is better/easier/over quickly. That goes for all of us.

Much love to all of you for stopping by and wishing best.

Current song stuck in my head:
There has to be an invisible sun
It gives its heat to everyone
There has to be an invisible sun
It gives us hope when the whole day's done

Monday, January 23, 2006

1-23-06 To Monday or not to Monday

Sick Day Excuse Generator

Top Ten Excuses for Calling in Sick on Mondays

Am I sick? Well, define "sick". Does "miserable" count as a sickness? I'll ask the doc when I go to see him.
The problem here is that I ran out of meds that make me sleep. I thought, "Enough time has passed. I shouldn't need a pill to get to sleep." Boy was I wrong.
So I'm about 48hrs without much more than a cat nap. (Why do they call it cat naps? My cat sleeps all freakin day! I WISH I could sleep that well.)

Anyway - so sorry but screw Monday. I'm ripping it off the calendar. Today simply isn't going to happen. Ya'll feel free to stay home too. I've just officially called Monday off. Go back to bed. We'll all feel better tomorrow. Flirty 2

Didn't have a real fractal-productive weekend either. Lack of focus I guess.
I did like this one though. This is my little Buddha guy in his little Buddha hut. It's simple but seems very peaceful to me.

Have a good Monday all.
Blowing A Kiss

Saturday, January 21, 2006

1-21-06 Staying busy

No time for downtime. It's a bright sunny day and I want to open all the windows and clean everything I've ignored for three weeks. Ugh. The dust!

After that I hope to sit a while and visit with all of you. I need to take Christa up on her invite to add to Artbabe (I have to find that sketch!). So, y'all stick around. I'll come knocking. :)

Friday, January 20, 2006


My little Alien

Ain't he cute? Zoom! zoom! in this little spaceship.
Search Alien or UFO quotes on the net. That's an interesting distraction. This is what you get:

“People are bringing shotguns to UFO sightings in Fife, Alabama. I asked a guy, "Why do you bring a gun to a UFO sighting?" Guy said, "Way-ul, we didn' wanna be ab-duc-ted." If I lived in Fife, Alabama, I would be on my hands and knees every night praying for abduction.”
Bill Hicks quotes

Here are a couple more because I'm obviously addicted (distraction).

What's this? Alien galaxy?

And this? Alien egg?


Happy Friday all. See you in the a.m.

(Sidebar- My Amusement:
Yesterday our CEO sent out an e-mail announcing that a young man in our office had been promoted to "Director of Logistics". I laughed so hard it hurt.
See, I've spent my CAREER in logistics (until this job). What resonates in my brain is "that poor boy, who has no background in logistics at all, just does not know how much he doesn't even know."
I suppose he'll learn.
Don't get me wrong. I'm not jealous. I do not want to be involved in logistics. I got out for a reason. I am just amused that I work for a company that continues to put people in high-end positions regardless of their lack of knowledge. It's like making your maid a stock analyist. It just isn't going to work.
Ok - good luck to him. Bless his little heart.
He should keep a first-aid kit nearby. This is probably going to hurt.)

Thursday, January 19, 2006

1-19-06 Jewelry?

I was so impressed with Trée's jewels (wait, that didn't sound right) that I decided to make some of my own.

Here's my Jeweled Butterfly. (I bet I could sell that design to Joan Rivers and you could buy it on QVC.) LOL

And while I was at it:

I also made the cutest little alien in the cutest little spaceship. I'll save him for later though. ;) (Is that like the news telling you "something big is in the weather" and then making you wait 20 minutes to find out what it is?)

Obviously, I'm focusing on distractions. Distractions are good. :)
Aside from TV and PC and Tuesday's with Morrie, what other things can I do to distract myself? (No Trée...Not that. LOL although it does seem to work haha)

Wednesday, January 18, 2006


I was typing in the date above and I accidentally typed in "1-18-04". 2004! Wouldn't it be great if it was as easy as typing in the wrong date?
Let's see....Dec 9th, 1993. Yeah. That was a gooooood day. :)~

Aside from that, I'm running horribly late. Blah. No time - no time - no time.
Maybe I can type in 6:30a.m. and the clock will just go backward. heh heh
Ok, probably not.

Tuesday, January 17, 2006


I meant to spend this week reminding myself of good things. I wanted to "stop and smell the roses"...and share the smell. :)
Well, that's not working out for me so much. Ah, I am a world of good intentions anyway. lol

Monday, January 16, 2006

1-16-05 Forgiveness

If we pick up the handle, we pick up the pot. Similarly, if we meditate on and develop compassion—the wish that all others be without suffering—we hold within us the essence of all other Dharma practices.
-Geshe Hgawang Dhargyey, "Advice From a Spiritual Friend"

I hope that I can find forgiveness for those who could not find compassion last week. I hope they can find forgiveness for my lapses in judgement. It was a difficult week. I wonder if they understand that at all.

If instead of a gem, or even a flower, we should cast the gift of a loving thought into the heart of a friend, that would be giving as the angels give.
-George MacDonald

Sunday, January 15, 2006

1-15-06 Eclipse

...And if the dam breaks open many years too soon
And if there is no room upon the hill
And if your head explodes with dark forebodings too
I'll see you on the dark side of the moon.

All that you touch
All that you see
All that you taste
All you feel.

All that you love
All that you hate
All you distrust
All you save.

All that you give
All that you deal
All that you buy,
beg, borrow or steal.

All you create
All you destroy
All that you do
All that you say.

All that you eat
And everyone you meet
All that you slight
And everyone you fight.

All that is now
All that is gone
All that's to come
and everything under the sun is in tune
but the sun is eclipsed by the moon.

"There is no dark side of the moon really. Matter of fact it's all dark."

Roger Waters

(The escape is music. It always has been, hasn't it?)

I want to note, for those of you watching, that yesterday was my first "good" day. (I almost said "in months" but I recanted. I don't really want to try to count.)
Regardless, a weight lifted. I don't know how or why. Maybe it was the extra sleep after so much exhaustion. Maybe it was the freedom of not putting on that mask.
I feel better. Maybe I'm starting to make some sense of it. Maybe I've let it go for a moment. I don't suspect it will stay down, but for now....relief.

I'll leave you today with some words from the obit. The reason I want to share this is because it came from my mother's heart. She toiled so hard over it and worried that she didn't write it well.
I told her that I think it is one of the most beautiful things I've ever read. The words seem to capture all that they were together and all that we were as a family.
(I have edited out all the names for privacy.)

My Father, 63, passed from this life into God's arms December 31, 2005 from cancer. Welcomed into heaven by His Loving Parents. A wonderful, kind, caring, and gentle man. He loved his family and friends. He always loved to laugh and joke, and to go out to eat. He worked hard to keep everyone happy and when things were down he would always try to find a way to help us look to better days ahead. He was a loving and devoted husband to My Mom for 41 years. Through all the really rough times he was the one who held us together.
He is survived by…son, daughters, grandchildren, cousins, nieces, nephews, in-laws and a host of very close friends.
In lieu of flowers, please take the money you would have spent on flowers and take someone you love to dinner and give a toast to him. He will be cremated and his ashes will be mixed with his wife’s at the time of her passing. Their ashes will be spread over the wildflowers in the Texas Hill Country that they loved so much.

Friday, January 13, 2006

1-13-06 Friday the 13th (Oooooooo)

I hate that I am consumed. Consumed is a bad way to be.
My best friend says "you are allowed to be consumed and you will be by every emotion in the book - and probably some new ones too."
She's so right. Geeeeze. Yesterday was "Misplaced Anger Day".
I spend the whole day going through angry scenarios with people who haven't really done anything wrong. Fortunately, I only did it in my head. I could very well find myself unemployed if I don't keep my trap shut.
And Irrational. OMG I am irrational. I keep thinking that being unemployed would just be a relief.

And then I have to cut myself some slack. Last week I spent taking care of and worrying deeply about my mother. (I still am.)
This week....THIS is my week to grieve. And I haven't done it all that much really.
I think work keeps getting in the way. I think I've been waiting for Saturday.
I can't believe it's only been a week. Before, the weeks were a month long. This one aged me 5 years.

I need an FNF like nobody's business.

So - tomorrow looks like this: 6 hours of defensive driving to get rid of that $200.00 ticket and the remaining time I intend to spend in bed or reading Morrie.

Sunday....maybe Sunday I'll be back on track. I would like to spend Sunday JUST reading blogs. JUST catching up. I have missed so much and I'm trying to do it in little, sneaky, morning moments before work. That's not getting us anywhere. LOL
It is not like me to be this consumed by anything. Obviously, this is different...still I really need to find out that the world outside of this still ticks by and that people are still having experiences.

Resolution: Monday I will take notice of the day and the things around me. Future postings will be aimed at what I am grateful for. Let that be my healing process.

So very much love to all of you. I cannot believe the level of your patience and caring. Let's start with how grateful I am for that.

Thursday, January 12, 2006

1-12-06 The Grapes of Wrath

I know that these moments are part of "healing". Sudden reminders will pop up now and again....some will entirely blindside me.
This happened yesterday - and please know that I am not without humor for it.

Work was too busy to take lunch. One of the girls said they were ordering Jason's Deli and asked if I wanted in. Relieved that I might eat, I opted yes.
I ordered my usual: 1/2 ham sandwich, tomato basil soup and a cup of fruit.
It came. I ate.
I always save my fruit for last. I love fruit. And then it happened.

In my father's last days, while we were desperately trying to find nutrition that he could tolerate, he constantly wanted fruit. Fruit with every meal.
Feeding him was such a struggle for us. We didn't want to force him but when he could only eat a few bites at each meal we all felt helpless and broken.
The last time I saw my father I fed him.
I hate that I had to feed him like a child. He wasn't a child.
Fork in melon. Raise to lips.
Fork in grape. Raise to lips.

So, as I sat at my desk and opened a cup of fruit from the deli, nothing was really on my mind but work....until I stuck that fork into that grape.
I had to leave the room.

I may never eat fruit again. I will forever live wiht the wrath of grapes.

It crosses my mind that I may well be writing my own Morrie story.
I should look into copyrights and publishing.

Wednesday, January 11, 2006

1-11-06 Tuesdays with Morrie

"My old professor, meanwhile, was stunned by the normalcy of the day around him. Shouldn't the world stop? Don't they know what has happened to me?
But the world did not stop, it took no notice at all, and as Morrie pulled weakly on the car door, he felt as if he were dropping into a hole.
Now what? he thought."
Tuesdays with Morrie - Chapter 1 "The Syllabus"

I recalled a friend saying that he'd read the book Tuesday's with Morrie after the loss of his own father. He said it had helped him.
I didn't give that too much thought for a while.
Last Sunday I drove away from what is now "my mother's house". Each time I've left that house in the past, both parents stood in the yard and waved goodbye with smiles. Then they would turn, kiss and head back into the house.
This time - only my mother stood. Chilled, frail and alone in front of that house. No smiles. No kiss.
A thousand "I love you"s and "Don't leave me"s in her eyes.
But I had to go.

On the evening of my return to Dallas, my husband and I went to the grocery store to pick up a few necessary items for the coming work week.
My husband walked down the magazine isle and I followed - my brain in a fog.
Out of the corner of my eye it caught me.
At least 100 copies of Tuesday's with Morrie sitting on the best-seller rack. I thought, "That book is at least a year old. Why would it be there and why so many?"
And then I knew....it had been willed there. Karma brought it to me.
There was no reason for that grocery store to have 100 copies of that book the week after Christmas. And yet, there it was.
I reached out and resolutely picked one up.
I looked up to the sky and said "Thanks." to whatever forces help us through these times.

Love to all of you. In case you missed my last comment - take a moment and just look quietly at someone you love. Think about why you love them. Think about something good that they are in your world. Even if that's the cat, the dog or the goldfish. Appreciate them each and feel lucky.

Tuesday, January 10, 2006

1-10-06 Going through the motions

This is how it's done, right? Just get through the days and one day "I won't have to remind myself to breathe in and out and I won't think about how I had it good and great for a while." (Tom Hanks - Sleepless in Seattle)

Is it wrong to gather my coping skills from fiction? Maybe we all do. Maybe it's all just fiction. (Deep Thoughts)

Trée - I bought a copy of the book "Tuesday's With Morrie". I don't know how ready I am to dive in so I'm reading it three paragraphs at a time. I think that's a nice pace. ;)

Hugs to all of you. I'm going to try surfing your blogs for a bit.

Monday, January 09, 2006


One of the most valuable things we can do to heal one another is listen to each other's stories.
-Rebecca Falls

Happy Monday all.

I have returned from Houston. The week was hard, yet it was quite blessed. There are a few things I want to take the time to write down, but now is not that time.
I want to write about what my brother and my mother spoke at the service - both were fitting and beautiful and from the heart.
My mother wrote the most beautiful obituary ever written. She worried so over it but it was so much "them" it was like a love letter.

I spent last week with Mom. We tried shopping and getting out a bit. That was very hard for her because they always, ALWAYS shopped together. They did everything together....for 41 years.
It was nearly impossible to leave her yesterday...alone in that house. Whatever pain I'm feeling, she is feeling a hundred-fold and that breaks my heart.

I also spent last week reading your thoughts and prayers and smiling at your comments. Thank you all a thousand times over. I did help to know that you're out there. Your comments reminded me that I have a world to go back to that is safe and kind.

Blessings to each of you. I'll be sporadic at best but I'll get my routine back soon.
Much Love,