I hate that I am consumed. Consumed is a bad way to be.
My best friend says "you are allowed to be consumed and you will be by every emotion in the book - and probably some new ones too."
She's so right. Geeeeze. Yesterday was "Misplaced Anger Day".
I spend the whole day going through angry scenarios with people who haven't really done anything wrong. Fortunately, I only did it in my head. I could very well find myself unemployed if I don't keep my trap shut.
And Irrational. OMG I am irrational. I keep thinking that being unemployed would just be a relief.
SHU-EESH.
And then I have to cut myself some slack. Last week I spent taking care of and worrying deeply about my mother. (I still am.)
This week....THIS is my week to grieve. And I haven't done it all that much really.
I think work keeps getting in the way. I think I've been waiting for Saturday.
I can't believe it's only been a week. Before, the weeks were a month long. This one aged me 5 years.
I need an FNF like nobody's business.
So - tomorrow looks like this: 6 hours of defensive driving to get rid of that $200.00 ticket and the remaining time I intend to spend in bed or reading Morrie.
Sunday....maybe Sunday I'll be back on track. I would like to spend Sunday JUST reading blogs. JUST catching up. I have missed so much and I'm trying to do it in little, sneaky, morning moments before work. That's not getting us anywhere. LOL
It is not like me to be this consumed by anything. Obviously, this is different...still I really need to find out that the world outside of this still ticks by and that people are still having experiences.
Resolution: Monday I will take notice of the day and the things around me. Future postings will be aimed at what I am grateful for. Let that be my healing process.
So very much love to all of you. I cannot believe the level of your patience and caring. Let's start with how grateful I am for that.
;)
3 comments:
Take it easy, Agnes....none of it is going anywhere ya know.
Spending a day in bed reading sounds great to me...and don't put up a deadline for anything. Let it take some time :)
Time, yes. And first you have to give yourself that time.
Take care of yourself, Agnes, and all will be well.
Bloody brilliant frac! :-)
Much love, hugs too.
OMGOMGOMG!!! Aggie, do you know how in-f***ing-credible this fractal is? Hon, your skill has risen to a whole new level. My guess is your dad, like mine, never saw any of your work until God said take a look at this. I can only imagine he is sitting next to my dad and they are both looking down and smiling and telling stories about how proud they are. Sweet sexy woman who has an email if she would check it, this frac is just goooooood shiott. What can I say--check your email. A small token of my appreciation :-)
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