Friday, September 30, 2005
I am looking forward to cool evenings on the back porch, watching the sun go down, drinking a Shiner Bock, laughing at frisbee golfers (free entertainment), listening to Rik Emmett play a little jazz on my cd player, watching the candles flicker in my little froggy garden.
Oh great bliss!
Thursday, September 29, 2005
It is a beautiful 64 degrees (finally!) in Dallas this morning. The high is expected to be 77 F. Don't tell me we don't get fall. It's here!! (Of course it's only one day long, but what the heck. )
Look - I think a leaf changed colors. >>>>>
I'm off to find something to wear. Something from the other side of the closet. Something with sleeves. LOL
Wednesday, September 28, 2005
Tuesday, September 27, 2005
It is not necessary for you to read this or to respond to it. I just need to get this out. The reason for posting it will become glaringly obvious by the time I'm through....not that anyone should read that far down.
I got a job offer via e-mail. Someone found a resume online that I posted last year when I was between jobs. The offer was for a logistics coordinator position. This is a position for which I am qualified, if not entirely over-qualified.
I responded to the offer. I forwarded my resume. I noted my qualifications and discussed my expectations. I actually began planning how I would go about the interview.
This is rediculous because I like my job. I like it a lot. I like that it is not logistics. I like that work no longer follows me home or interrupts my sleep.
But....the past few months have been painfully difficult. The job I have pays very low. I knew that going in. It was a trade off. Less money, more life.
But that e-mail...I saw dollar signs. I saw a way out of debt. I saw savings and a future. I am so very, very conflicted.
What I wanted was someone to talk it over with. What I got was a lot of cold responses and cruel advice. From my husband I got "Whatever!" which sounded a lot more like a dare than any form of empathy. From my mother I got "Maybe you should go back to it. You were good at it." No consideration for the pain it caused me.
In the end I blew off the offer. I told her I wanted more money than I knew she could offer. I was right and now it's over.
But I am so very sad. I feel so empty and alone.
All I wanted was an objective opinion. Someone I could talk it over with.
The truth is that I knew the answer anyway. I just have so much I need to talk about.
I just wish I had one friend I could sit and have a beer with and talk about...conundrums.
I do not.
It's been a very very long time since I have.
Monday, September 26, 2005
If anyone enjoys puzzle games, feel free to join.
So far I have located: The light switch, two video tapes, a paperclip and a note. I am trying to get into the room with no number on the door. It has a coded entry and try as I might, I cannot enter a code that works. I understand that it has something to do with the numbers associated with letters of the alphabet (i.e. A=1, B=2, C=3 etc) I've tried entering the numbers for "stars" and for "the stars" and I have even tried entering the entire phrase.
If anyone gets past that coded door, please let me know. My brain is mush from trying. I just don't know what I'm missing.
Seven things I plan to do before I die:
-Take an Alaskan cruise and see humpback whales in the wild.
-Go to Italy to see the Sistine Chapel and take in all the art I can.
-Go to the Louvre.
-Become completely obsessive about working out and eating healthy foods.
-Find and move into my house on a lake in the woods. It will have two guestrooms for all of my family to visit whenever they like and it will have an upstairs, windowed studio for my artistic enjoyment.
Seven things I can do:
-Draw anything I see.
-Mediate - see everyone's side of an issue - find the middle ground
-Read, comprehend and react to bloodwork
-Negotiate expensive purchases to fit my needs
Seven things I can't do:
-Cope with death
-Cope with debt.
-Draw things I can't see
-Kill any creature - even bugs and snakes
Seven things I'm attracted to in the opposite sex: (Seven?? Pshaw!)
-No substance addictions
-Supportive (of emotions and endeavors)
-Pure honesty regardless of the consequences
-Enjoys cooking and cleaning
-One who defends me and our relationship to all others.
-The spirit of a child and the maturity of an adult
-Devoted love for pets
-The ability to manage money
-Never inconvenienced/able to roll-with-the-flow
-Interested in staying fit and eating healthy foods
-A sense of humor that is not condescending
-“Get’s” me (and thinks that’s a good thing)
-Independent (not co-dependent)
-Romantic - does a lot of things "just because"
-Wants to make me as happy as I want to make him
-Loves a variety of music and makes it a part of our lives.
Seven celebrity crushes:
Sunday, September 25, 2005
Finally I can relax.
To celebrate, I am slow-cooking a big ol' pot of chicken and dumplings. Making it from scratch. I intend to have a peaceful evening and watch the return of Desperate Housewives.
All is right with the world.
Saturday, September 24, 2005
Thanks J, for sticking that song in my head. lol
Well the brunt of the hurricane missed Houston. We have confirmed that the power is out at my sister's home. (They tried to ping the home pc. There's technology for ya.) Since the family all lives within blocks of each other, we presume there is no power at my parent's house nor at my grandfather's. Phone calls into Houston are a hit-or-miss thing. The lines are overwhelmed and we're not getting through.
My sister, her husband and that beautiful baby that I keep posting on the site, are all in Tyler, TX. Tyler will get very heavy rains and winds today. They're in a big house made of stone and up on a hill. They should be fine but do not expect to drive out any time soon. Flooding will be very bad. Power will likely be lost as well.
I'm waiting for the damage assessments on Galveston and Beaumont this morning. No news there yet. A prayer or two for those who stayed and for those who may come home to nothing.
Two more notes:
- Traffic inbound on Sunday will be something to see. I doubt the governor will move all lanes to southbound/eastbound.
- Houston will not likely evacuate next time. There will be a lot less desire to deal with the roadways and a lot more people believing it won't be all that bad. I hope that doesn't turn into disasterous results.
Friday, September 23, 2005
FINALLY my parents left Houston. They took off at about 11:30a.m. and arrived safely in Austin, TX around 4p.m. Nothing like waiting until the last possible minute. They endured their fair share of shouting and crying from myself and the siblings for it.
My Mom says, "Now you know what it felt like raising you kids. All that worrying!"
I said, "Mom, are ya telling me I had this coming???!!"
Pththth....Mom...she's a comedian!
All the family is now out of harm's way with the exception of my old grandpa who boarded up the house and refused to leave. He has food, water, a generator and fuel. If the house remains standing, he'll be fine.
His mother lived to be 102yrs old. I think that hurricane's got it's work cut out for it.
Big, hearty "THANKS!" to all of you who offered hugs and prayers. I think it worked.
They don't want to be stuck on the highway in an SUV when the winds pick up.
I'm conflicted. Today will be a very, very long day.
Thursday, September 22, 2005
Houston/Galveston Traffic Cameras and Signs
The site gets busy so you may need to reload.
My family, who has not left YET (7p.m. 9/22), will be leaving from the I-45/Little York area.
If you don't hear much from me that will be a good sign.
I do have a question though. I bought my husband hockey tickets for his birthday. The game is this weekend. Two hockey tickets. One for him, one for me. My family doesn't like hockey. The tickets weren't cheap. QUESTION: What is the right thing to do? Blow off the hockey game? Buy more tickets and take the family anyway? Send him off alone? I can't see that leaving the family in my house for 3hrs while I we go to a game is a good plan. Not at all polite. Hmmm. How to make everyone happy?
(I'm not all that worried about it. It will work out on it's own. I'm just curious for outside opinions.)
Finally, the game: Again, the numbers above the clock on the left. Guess what they mean.
Here are the current hints:
Hint #1: The best number would be zero
Hint #2: I had 3 between 1 and 2a.m. last night.
Hint #3: I have mentioned the thing I'm counting before on the site.
Make up some good, funny reasons why I might be counting something. Good luck.
The winner gets an all expense paid trip to Vegas. Ok, not really.
Wednesday, September 21, 2005
Interesting the attitudes and actions as seen from the inside.
My entire family, parents, sister, brother, their families, cousins, aunts, grandfather...all in Houston. I'm here in Dallas.
The hotels around my house are already booked up. I've told everyone, "nevermind that, just get up here!"
My sister, her husband, the baby and two dogs are on the way up to Tyler. (Two cats had to stay behind, locked in the house with food.)
My cousin is in California on business. Her husband and three children are in Houston refusing to leave. She's a basketcase. She's flying in tomorrow (she hopes) and intends to convince the lot to move on to Austin to be with her mother.
My grandfather....refuses to leave. He lives in a wood-frame house near downtown. A very old wood-frame house.
If he won't go, my parents won't go either. I'm hoping he changes his mind or someone changes it for him.
My father works for a large car dealership. They will be open tomorrow. (because people will be desperate to buy cars??) The big guy at the dealership is from somewhere up north. He has no idea what's coming. It just doesn't seem to be clicking. He expects to re-open the dealership on Sunday. Wouldn't want to lose those sales! Idiot.
My mother is making plans. I've asked her to prepare. She knows what needs to go. They are hesitating and it's making me even more nervous.
My best friend, in a huge act of kindness, has offered up her home to my clan. Plenty of space if things overflow where I am. Good to know. Good to know.
Counting down. Rita's knocking.
So I'm lying in bed, wide awake, and it's hot as hell and I cannot sleep. My brain refuses to stop blah-blah-blahing. I'm thinking of things I can blog about. I'm thinking of things at work to do tomorrow. I'm thinking of how hot it is. I'm thinking that I don't want to get out of bed. Thinking thinking thinking. ARGH.
I gave up. My brain won.
Want to know the irony?
I'm downstairs now, sitting in front of the pc, typing at the blog and I'm so foggy brained that can't think of a damn thing to type.
THIS was the best I could do.
It's all a cruel joke.
Want a pop quiz? Guess what the numbers mean. (see the numbers just above the clock on the left) Be creative.
Tuesday, September 20, 2005
This is an image of Dallas major freeway system.
Look closely and you will realize that it is entirely phallic. All you have to do is decide which part of the penis or vagina you would like to live near. Me, I'm right about left-nut territory.
(You're going to see this image on the news every single day. You're going to think of me every time you see it from now on. Ain't I a peach?! "And when you speak of me, speak kindly." Bwwahahah)
Rita nearly a hurricane
The hurricane-weary Gulf Coast is carefully watching Tropical Storm Rita as it heads for south Florida, with the warm, high-octane waters of the Gulf of Mexico beyond -- a path eerily similar to the one taken by killer Hurricane Katrina three weeks ago. The Florida Keys were ordered evacuated.
My entire fambly is in Houston. Be assured that we are keeping a close eye. Of course, they are all invited to head up this way and join us in Dallas. (where did we put those cots??)
We sat through two major hurricanes in my youth. We didn't board up. We barely planned ahead.
The mood is so very different in view of recent events. Friends and family are taking no chances this time. Water, generator, plan to evacuate, etc.
Maybe they'll all just move up here like I keep telling them they should. ;)
I have one note for all people in the path. Put your photos and your bank info in plastic bags and in water safe places (like in the trunk of the car you're leaving in).
God Bless and get the hell out of there.
Monday, September 19, 2005
This means that it's not a secret. It's not all that special. You've all heard it already. Pfffft.
Too bad. It's still my favorite. It matches up well with my old soul. It gives me hope of a time in life when I might just tell everyone exactly what I think...and then let them think I'm senile so it doesn't even matter. ;)
When I am an old woman, I shall wear purple
Sunday, September 18, 2005
SLACKIN like crazy today.
Got myself a touch of the "vacation is over" blues.
Ok, I'm awake now. Gonna do a little blog surfin and some background surfin.
Thinking about changing that background again.
I'll leave you with this teaser.
Tomorrow: My favorite poem.
Y'all come back now, y'hear?
Saturday, September 17, 2005
(ok, I might have fudged that a bit)
Yes, my birthday is 5 days after my husband's birthday. That means we are both Virgos. Now, that SHOULD be a volatile combination. Two head-strong, opinionated, anal-retentive people living under the same roof. We, however, have made this last for 12years. That is also because of a Virgo trait. We are both non-confrontational people. That means we rarely ever argue. We sulk a lot, but we don't argue. LOL
I awoke this morning to Happy Birthday Banners strung across the living room walls. He's a sweetie. I told him I want nothing this year except dinner out. I'm hoping for a nice mexican food meal tonight. Maybe a movie after and then be done with it.
I am not up to reflecting on my life today. I'll do that when I turn 40.
I will add that my age amazes me on occasion. I remember a time when I thought I would never get this old.
(Not that I'm old, of course, just really crotchety.)
LOL - I just had to look up the definition of crotchety.
Main Entry: crotch·ety Pronunciation: 'krä-ch&-te Function: adjective1 : given to crotchets : subject to whims, crankiness, or ill temper (a crotchety old man)And a crotchet is:
Main Entry: crotch·et Pronunciation: 'krä-ch&t Function: noun
2. a highly individual and usually eccentric opinion or preference
Yeah, that's fitting. Today's word is CROTCHETY. Use it wisely.
Have a good day all. It is my birthday and no one is allowed to be sad today.
Friday, September 16, 2005
Since I have not yet gone back to bed, and since I'm all grouchy and bitter today, I felt the need.
Here are today's RANTS: (disclaimer - rants are temporary and I am not always this bitter. That is why they are on another page...sort of In A Closet that I can shut the door on. )
Why can't men see dust?
People who miss work
Quitting Smoking part 1
Grumble and grouch. Pthththth. Ptooie. Blah.
I should probably go back to bed, wake up later and try again at having a good day.
Thursday, September 15, 2005
Oh well, I guess if you ignore the honeydoos long enough, they come back to haunt you.
Today's To Do List:
- Shower and dress
- Balance Checkbook
- Pay Bills
- Start Laundry
- Grocery Shop
- Drop Bills at Post Office
- Wash Dishes
- Start Dinner (Crockpot Roast...Mmmmm.)
- Finish Laundry
All this to be done in the next 4 hrs. UGH.
I'd almost rather be at work.
Wednesday, September 14, 2005
I had a webpage a very long time ago. Angelfire hosed me and I lost the whole thing.
Does anyone have a clue how to copy all this stuff so I can add it to my memoirs when I'm old??
Tuesday, September 13, 2005
(There's a Bill Cosby routine going in my head. "Cake has flour and milk and eggs....")
I AM ON VACATION. Woohoo. I can't tell you how great it is to just sit home, knowing I have time on my hands and NO responsibilities. I needed this. Major downtime. It's great to move at my own pace. Have a little coffee. Take a long shower. DO NOT fix my hair. DO NOT put on makeup. I'm in heaven!
Linny, in response to your last post: I have not drawn much in the past 11 years. The previous career took that from me. Took it right out of me to be honest.
Like you, I cannot draw stick figures. Well, I can draw one. It looks like the little guy in the game hang-man. That's pretty much it for stick-figure-poses.
I also cannot draw a straight line. Never could. Far too anal retentive.
I've never been able to draw in ink either. Too much of a committment, I think.
I draw in shades, not lines. I smudge and erase. It's my...um..tecnique. It is what seem natural to me.
Thank you for the compliments on the Stephanie Seymore drawing. The Karen sketch was a rare thing for me. I did it in 5 hours on a Saturday. This has never been the case for me. Stephanie took the better part of 5 days.
For me, drawing requires that I get "in the zone". It's a sort of unconscious-subconscious state. Time passes very quickly there.
More often than not, I do not even see the composition as I am drawing it and I am ALWAYS surprised when it is complete. It is a beautiful and humbling experience for me.
On that note Linny, you have inspired me to seek out some of my old drawings. I have time on my hands today and I'm going to go treasure hunting. Stand by for the results of the search.
And Trée, I MIGHT have found a photo of me that isn't too awful. We'll see if I break my anonymity and put it up here somewhere.
Monday, September 12, 2005
Sunday, September 11, 2005
Friday, September 09, 2005
Please read below.
From: Gena Elam
I am participating in the Katy Heart Walk this year to raise money for the American Heart Association. Each year it becomes more important to me. The money that is raised will go towards research to help find ways to sustain my personal health and the health of many others like me. Research on how to improve transplants and other operations could help me in the future. This money will also go towards research pertaining to heart disease and stroke, which are the Number 1 and Number 3 killers among adults in our nation right now. I have a goal to reach, and if you can, I am asking for your donation to this cause. How ever much or little will be greatly appreciated and beneficial.
You can help me reach my goal by making a donation online. Click on the link below and you will be taken to my personal donation page where you can make a secure online credit card donation. The American Heart Association's online fundraising website has a minimum donation amount of $25.00. If you prefer to donate less, you can do so by sending a check directly to me.
Follow This Link to visit my personal web page and help me in my efforts to support TXA - Katy, TX
Thank you in advance for all your help and support.
Thursday, September 08, 2005
Our president is lobbying to change our Constitution. Mr. Bush would like to amend the Consitution of the United States and repeal the 22nd amendment. Simply put, he and his party would like to remain in the White House indefinitely. Trust that the hanging chads will assure the results. (Democracy or Dictatorship??)
In my lifetime, I have never been so willing to vote. I'd like to vote today please. Let's amend the 22nd amendment to say that the people (You remember us, right? The country?)can choose term limit in the middle of the term. How's that? (Can you say "impeach"?) Only two more years of dodgeball. Then maybe we can get someone in there who can pronouce "re sesssss ion". (and "nuculer" haha)
MSNBC Attacks the Bush Administration
Wednesday, September 07, 2005
We mark the days now in small miracles.
At 11pm Sunday night, he jumped from the windowsill with a little spring in his step. We cheered.
At 2am Monday morning, I checked on him and thought "If he jumps up on the bed again, then we'll know he's ok." but I knew he never would. The bed's too high and he's too small and old. At 2:05am he jumped on the bed. All by himself. No coaxing. Like he had heard me wishing. He lay down between us, in that place where he can feel us breathing, and he purred. I lay awake the rest of the night just feeling his presence.
At 7am Tuesday morning he pounced my ankle. He even took a nibble. I laughed out loud and begged him to do it again. (the little sneak)
Again he chose to sleep with us last night.
This morning we found him sleeping on his normal spot on the stairs. Maybe he's craving routine. Our routine has gone far awry. I'm ready to return to it as well. He seems so much better.
The vet gave us amoxicillin. I can't bring myself to give it to Pooh. Clavamox is the same thing. I don't trust it. I can't backslide now.
For the sake of documenting date/time and events: His fructosamine is 333. That's good. Both vets were impressed at his glucose levels and how well we've maintained them all these years. (I still think 333 is too high!)
Unfortunately, his liver levels are tragic. Things that should be 75 at max are in the 300 range. Hepatic. (although he's not jaundiced-how odd) We don't know the cause and without biopsy we won't know the cure. There are things we can do but they would all be experimental. Hopeful guessing.
The fact is that he turns 16yrs old this month. That makes him about 80 in human years. I keep wishing for "one more year". I've gotten that wish time and again.
I'm settling into the fact that these moments are the final. I will laugh at every silly thing he does. I will assure that he eats whatever he wants. I will pet and cuddle and play...and pray. And when his time comes, I will be entirely inconsolable. So will my hubby. And that is all we can do.
Monday, September 05, 2005
We spent the entire night, minute by minute, in constant vigil over our little black cat. We think he was having an allergic reaction to Clavamox. He was barely coherent and stumbled about when trying to walk. We spent the dark night silently praying he would be with us this morning.
He is. He has a good appetite now. Light of day, maybe he'll be fine.
The Clavamox was prescribed Saturday morning. We've given it to him three times since. The first two he reacted as if it tasted horrible. He would paw at his mouth while walking, sort of stumbling while he did. He eventually knocked out the abcessed tooth. Still, he needs the antibiotic.
I diluted the prescription and gave him half the dose with a pain pill. When he reacted last night, I was sure he was dying from it. I was sure I had poisoned the baby.
To love him so much and then to be the death of him? How could I live with that?
Thank you God for leaving him with us. Maybe that God found mercy on me...with all the begging I did.
No meds today. Back to the vet tomorrow.
Sunday, September 04, 2005
I am so distracted lately that I decided I would "be in the moment" while doing the task. I would pay attention to the letters and numbers as I read them. Their positions on the page. My voice inflections as I read. I tried to be wholly in the task.
It took no more than 10 seconds before I was off again.
I find myself all at once reading, speaking, listening to unrelated conversations, daydreaming, worrying, planning. All at once.
It is time to get some things off my mind. There is much happening in my life. I must regain some focus. (NOTE: The following rants are my feelings at this moment in my life. I'm allowed to have them even if no one agrees with them. Even if I'm just some rediculous, tyrannical, middle-class, screaming housewife.)
1. Subcutaneous Fluids
2. Amassing Debt
4. It Wasn't Supposed To Be Like This (A completely closed-minded political perspective with very little basis in reality)
5. Meeting Ends?
Loving God, the hope and protector of all humankind; bless those whose loved ones are missing. The agony of not knowing whether someone is living or dead is a daily torture. The uncertainty of life’s future relationships hangs in limbo. Hope rides a roller coaster. Yet each day must be lived. Give unto your people the blessing of your grace that they may face each day with courage and hope. Guard their families from further danger and harm and hold them in the blessing of your love. Amen.
-- Vienna Cobb Anderson, from "Prayers of Our Hearts" © 1991 Vienna Cobb Anderson. Reprinted with the permission of the author.
Prayer of Comfort
Grant unto us, Almighty God, in all time of sore distress,
the comfort of the forgiveness of our sins.
In time of darkness give us blessed hope,
in time of sickness of body give us quiet courage;
and when the heart is bowed down, and the soul is very heavy,
and life is a burden, and pleasure a weariness,
and the sun is too bright, and life too mirthful,
then may that Spirit, the Spirit of the Comforter, come upon us,
and after our darkness may there be the clear shining of the heavenly light;
that so, being uplifted again by Thy mercy,
we may pass on through this our mortal life
with quiet courage, patient hope, and unshaken trust,
hoping through Thy loving-kindness and tender mercy
to be delivered from death into the large life of the eternal years.
Hear us of Thy mercy, through Jesus Christ our Lord – Amen.
Do Not Lose Heart
Therefore we do not lose heart.
Though outwardly we are wasting away,
yet inwardly we are being renewed day by day.
For our light and momentary troubles
are achieving for us an eternal glory
that far outweighs them all.
So we fix our eyes not on what is seen,
but on what is unseen.
For what is seen is temporary,
but what is unseen is eternal.
-- 2 Corinthians 4:16-18 (New International Version)
Prayer for Freedom From Suffering
May all beings everywhere plagued
with sufferings of body and mind
quickly be freed from their illnesses.
May those frightened cease to be afraid,
and may those bound be free.
May the powerless find power,
and may people think of befriending
May those who find themselves in trackless,
the children, the aged, the unprotected--
be guarded by beneficent celestials,
and may they swiftly attain Buddhahood.
-- The Buddha
Saturday, September 03, 2005
I know there are those who collect support symbols, ribbons, wristbands, of life's disasters. I've never been one of those people (although I do wear the pink ribbon for breast cancer, but only after donating and I buy a new one yearly).
For those of you who are interested, and because all proceeds are donated, here is the link. They are not expensive. Buy them by the box. Katrina colors are blue and white.
Katrina Relief Symbols
A shout-out to the creator/keeper of Wimp.com. She took the time to make it available to us here. Thanks much.
Friday, September 02, 2005
I find that I am evaluating our country by it now.
The 5 stages of grief.
I've heard it said that a person doesn't truly BEGIN to heal until they've passed through the 5 stages. They then may experience the following:
-Accept the reality of the loss
-Experience the pain of the loss
-Adjust to the new environment without the lost object
-Reinvest in the new reality
As a country, are we experiencing the "Anger/Blame" stage now?
(Postscript: Grief is a very individual experience. These stages are not always experienced in order. Some may not experience all of the stages. A person who remains "trapped" in one stage for an overwhelming period of time may need medical attention.)
In my life, I cannot recall wanting to punch a man in the face more than that moment. What a raging idiot. For the record, I'm fairly certain that the word "aliens" was used in the same conversation.
Furthermore, I have located (but will not disclose) websites that are touting this theory. It sickens me.
If that were the case, I would not care. Human lives are lost and in misery and not getting the help they need. How dare anyone waste a second of petty thought on something so disgusting. DO SOMETHING USEFUL YOU JERKOFF!!
I bet he would think I'm in some kind of denial. I still want to punch him.