Thursday, March 30, 2006

3-30-06 Today is a good day!

Strength is the capacity to break a chocolate bar into four pieces with your bare hands--and then just eat one of the pieces.
-
Judith Viorst


Today is a good day.

First thing I saw today was this headline: U.S. Journalist Carroll Released in Iraq
This is the very best news to come from overseas since 9/11. Give thanks for the life of that young woman. The odds were not in her favor.






Today is a good day.

Last night my best friend said, "I'm tired of being sad. I've been sad and unhealthy for too long. I am going to find myself a therapist and I am going to get my life back together. I want to learn to be happy again."
I could not have heard better news and I told her so. I let her know how tremendously happy those words made me and how very proud I am to know that.
I heard in her voice that she sincerely means to do it too.







Today is a good day.

This evening I will head to the hospital and begin the induced labor of the pet rock inside my kidney. Sometime tomorrow, I hope to be pain free. That is a grand thing and I sincerely look forward to it.











Today is a good day. Have you got good news too? Please share it with me.
I won't be back online until Saturday or Sunday, but I'll be looking forward to happy thoughts about your worlds.

Ah...and happy HNT too. 45113638_202b79dc11

Wednesday, March 29, 2006

3-29-06 Culture

Let's do something different. Let's turn our attention to things more beautiful and awe-inspiring.
Ladies and Gents, I present to you Mr. Julian Beever and his amazing Chalk Drawings.
He's tremendously talented, but his hands are very colorfully dirty. (all that chalk dust)






Many more fascinating drawings if you click on his name above.
Have a great Wednesday. Go dig for gold. :D

Tuesday, March 28, 2006

3-28-2006 Spread Happiness


"Do you want to be right or do you want to be happy?"


That's one of my favorite Dr. Philisms. My Dad would have said, "You'd better shut up and get glad." Same point.

This is also known as "pick your battles". I believe wholly in this concept.

As The Drama Turns

Mother and Daughter spoke on the phone last night. I understand there were quite a few tears but neither one had the gumtion to say "I'm sorry." because both are dead set that the other was wrong.
Mother wants Daughter to "show me some respect" and Daughter wants Mother to "stop overreacting".
This whole, silly, stupid thing is because Mother felt her daughter wasn't respectful to her.

And so I took my shot. I've said very little and we've spoken very little since the incident. I waited it out. As soon as that target came into view, I took my shot.
I said, "The ONLY WAY this is going to get better is if the two of you agree to find a mediator. The only way either of you can see each other's side is to find a therapist and start going."
Of course there were excuses. Mother says Daughter won't go. Daughter says Mother won't go. I said, "You have both excused each other out of getting help. Get over it and make an effort."
Mother said she would call Daughter and let her pick the therapist of her choice and agree to go.
I said, "Being willing is the first step."
(Admitting you have a problem is the first step. I hope the therapist can pull that out of them.)

Anyway, I'm out. They're getting help and I don't want to hear another word about it. Whew!

So, pick your battles. Some things are not worth destroying a family. Being right is not always better than being happy.
SPREAD HAPPINESS!!

Monday, March 27, 2006

3-27-2006 "Poof!"

We all say the magic words:
"Ah-la-peanut-butter-sandwiches!"

and POOF!! She returns.

Sorry for the weekend disappearing act. Took myself a little downtime. Covered my head in blankets and played hide-and-go-seek with the world.

Not a bad weekend. Nothing phenomenal. I finished a good book. So there's that. :)
I did not, unfortunately, get rid of this kidney stone. Doc appt today. Yuk.

Thanks to all of you for your comments to the latest drama. There seems to be so much that I'm wondering if I'm the one addicted to it. (No, not really. It isn't me. I long for quiet and happier people than my current one.)
The friend is still my friend. I haven't dropped her on her head. I did, however, make it very clear that I had no time to listen to the complaining about her situation with her daughter. She got herself into it. She needs to "mom up" and get herself back on solid ground.
Of course, there would be no drama in that. So she's pushing the kid further away.

On top of that, a mutual friend's wife died this weekend. She was on a plane with her 20yr old daughter, coming back from London. She had a heart attack and died midway over the Atlantic. Can you imagine how awful??
So I told my friend again: "It is so very sad how we take each other for granted when we have no idea how long we've got...or haven't got." in hopes that she would get the point.
Rest assured that the point flew right over her head and I am done trying.

As for Dad, Mom and the Hospice - no medicare. Both were too young at the time. Mom has a document from the Hospice that says pro-bono and $0 and she'll use it against them when she's stronger. The insurance situation is a rough one. The place my father worked folded and Mom's having to deal with a lot of uncaring jerks at "the mother company" in Kansas. They don't know what they're doing and they've let her insurance lapse three times since November....even though she's paid the (not cheap) premiums. She calls when the bills aren't paid and then they apply her check to the right thing and then they re-institute insurance retroactively.
Who can keep up? Surely not her...and she won't let us kids get involved. She's a control freak...much like all three of her kids. :)

It's Monday. The world is just fine. It isn't fantastic but it's par for the course enough for me to deal with it smiling. :D
Y'all have a wonderful day. Big hugs to you and thanks a million times over for sticking with me during all the silly dramas. I do hope life gets back to boring soon. hee hee

Friday, March 24, 2006

3-24-2006 TGIF?

Kidney stone is still in place. Rats.

Back to Wednesday' subject:
Therapist reiterated the same as below. The freind has a "crisis addiction" and is likely bi-polar to boot.
Shrinkette says I am enabling her. Yes. I guess I am.
I'm trying to find a way to separate myself from my friend. There's a high burden of guilt, regardless of people saying "you are not responsible for her actions". Since I know her actions would be negative to my "ditching" her, aren't I somewhat responsible? I have prior knowledge.
It's frightening.
The idea of losing my best friend is frightening also.

BUT, yesterday she placed another nail in the coffin of our friendship. I had sent an e-mail telling her of the kidney stone event. A few hours later she called to check on me. Only, something wasn't right about the conversation. She quickly asked what they had given me for pain. I told her "Tramadol and something else that I haven't filled yet." She said, "Hydrocodone?" And there was a hopeful upturn in her voice. I clicked to it immediately and said "I don't think it's Hydrocodone. That stuff never really helps me." And her reply: "Well it makes me very happy. If that's what they gave you, I'll pay for it."
She wants my pain meds. Hydrocodone gives her a false sense of happiness and she's so depressed that she wants my pain meds, despite my pain.
I told her "No hon, I'm not going to do that." which was a very nice way of saying, "you selfish beotch!!!"
That really hurt. She hadn't called to check on me at all. She called for her own sake.

The other medicine is Hydrocodone. I'm going to fill the prescription. I'm not going to tell her.
I actually felt guilty about it.

Lastly, I called Mom to tell her of the hospital adventure and let her know I'd be alright....because you do that sort of thing.
I caught her on a really bad day.
Turns out the Hospice, where my father was for only 15hrs before he died, has sent my mother a bill for $2,000 and another from the doctor for $250. They had assured my mother that it was all pro-bono and she signed papers saying the same.
That doctor saw my father for 15 minutes. How's that for an hourly rate.
MD Anderson was supposed to check that Hospice to be sure it was covered by the insurance. Turns out the danged place was out-of-network as well.

I told Mom not to pay it. How I wish I could fix all the financial b.s. She's so overwhelmed. Dad would not want this.

So, I sound pretty bummed, but I'm not really. It's Friday and there's a weekend coming.
I'm late. Gotta run.

Have a great day all.

Thursday, March 23, 2006

3-23-2006 Sneak attack!

HOLY MOLY!!! WE ARE IN P A I N !!!!!!!


Spent last night at the E.R.


Thought I had appendicitis. Actually, I thought I was dying and hoped I had appendicitis.
It was a nasty ride. Thank GAWD for painkillers.

It wasn't appendicitis. It is a kidney stone.
A kidney stone. For pain like that there should be more than A kidney stone.
Unfortunately, this stone is the size of a dime. This is gonna hurt like hell.

We are now in wait-and-see mode. This is where we determine if I will give birth in a hospital or at home. Or worse yet, at work.
Could be hours, could be weeks. I'm going to drink 40 gallons of water a day just to be sure it can't beat me.

I'm not liking this at all.

So, for HNT, I proudly present "my insides". (insert mental image here)
Ewwww.

Wednesday, March 22, 2006

3-22-2006 Drug of Choice?


I have a dear friend. I care deeply for her and for her child. Yet, in the past 10 years, I have rarely known her to be happy. Quite the opposite, she is usually very unhappy. Extremely sad, actually.
Her child is following in mother's footsteps.

The hardest part is that I can see the inherent flaws from my safe, easy-chair, distance. I can see them and I think "you really need some professional help". I say the same but she'll get no help. She will continue down the same miserable path, constantly complaining of the misery. It breaks my heart.

I've come to think of her as an addict. She is addicted to her own suffering. An addict cannot see the damage they cause themselves but think the cure to the pain it causes is in the addiction itself. A never-ending circle. The very description of addiction.
A drug addict cannot heal without the will to heal themselves.
No person can make them see or make them heal without their own willingness.

This leads me to believe that her suffering gives her comfort. Without agony or drama she feels less of a person. If there is no drama, she will make some.
Isn't that odd? It is to me. I am apt to believe it is a legacy handed down from generation to future generation. It is all very sad.

I know that I cannot heal her. I know that her healing is not my responsibility but is her own. I stand by and idly watch. Is my addiction to watch her suffer? To say, "At least I am not her." No, I am getting help.

I am writing this here because I'm going to need it later today:
"This is how we go on: one day at a time, one meal at a time, one pain at a time, one breath at a time. Dentists go on one root-canal at a time; boat-builders one hull at a time. If you write books, you go on one page at a time. We turn from all we know and all we fear. We study catalogues, watch football games, choose Sprint over AT&T. We count the birds in the sky and will not turn from the window when we hear the footsteps behind us as something comes up the hall; we say yes, I agree that clouds often look like other things--fish and unicorns and men on horseback--but they are really only clouds. Even when the lightening flashes inside them we say they are only clouds and turn our attention to the next meal, the next pain, the next breath, the next page. This is how we go on."

Why can't we be addicted to being healthy, kind, generous and free of damaging addictions? (Wow, that could be a philosophy behind a whole new church, huh?)

Tuesday, March 21, 2006

3-21-2006 Priorities (or: Boy aren't we confused?)



Did you look at the picture above and think "Awwww, ain't they cute?" Did you attach some semblance of "love" to these two cubs? We do that, don't we? Look at things in nature and give them human qualities. We only really give them "sweet" human qualities though.

Let's try this:

Human qualities? No? Animal instinct.
Although, this is a pretty good likeness of a couple of people I know just now.

I think we have our priorities all screwed up. I'm constantly aghast at how awfully we take each other for granted. Why can't we look at each other and think "Aww, ain't they cute?" Why can't we see the child inside that longs for affection? Why do we get so caught up in what we want that we stop giving?
Ahhh...a million questons in my brain today.
Do us all a favor.....love someone. Love them regardless of their faults. Hell, love their faults.

"No trumpets sound when the important decisions of our life are made. Destiny is made known silently."
-Agnes DeMille

"There is a crack in everything. That's how the light gets in."
-Leonard Cohen

"To speak gratitude is courteous and pleasant, to enact gratitude is generous and noble, but to live gratitude is to touch Heaven."
-Johannes A. Gaertner

Monday, March 20, 2006

3-20-2006 Weekend Update






Announcer:
And now, Weekend Update, with Chevy Chase.
Chevy Chase:
[ talking into the telephone ] No.. I love it when you make noise. Remember when.. [ notices the audience, hangs up telephone ] Good evening, I'm Chevy Chase, and you're not!

Our top story tonight: Generallissimo Francisco Franco is still dead.
Secretary of State Henry Kissinger stated today that he is tired of using his silly accent in public, and will speak in English. This will in no way effect the content of what he has been saying.

SNL Transcripts
----------------------------------------



That was fun, huh? Ouch, my age is showing.
Chevy Chase was great. Probably still is. ;)

My Weekend Update:
It rained in Dallas. And then it rained some more.
A lot of people had forgotten what rain was and subsequently floated away.

I was not one of them.
I did, however, go out in the rain without an umbrella.

In other news: I went to see The Libertine.
Despite the boyish good looks of actor Johnny Depp, this film was disturbingly...uncomfortable. The movie bordered on an X rating. For Depp fans, this should have been a plus. Unfortunately it was not. Depp bared very little, including any true acting talent. The script ran like a 1970s porn flick against an 1810 background. A little "waka waka" and I might have enjoyed it a bit more.

And finally, our top story:
The standoff continues between mother and daughter. Daughter clearly has the upper hand but unfortunately does not have the good sense to see the future outcome of her actions. In a grand test of wills, the daughter has filed charges against the mother - "just to spite her". I have attempted to sit patiently and watch this Shakespearean drama unfold but, as usual, I have been sucked into the script. In order to maintan some semblance of sanity, I continue to deny to each party that I have spoken at all to the other party. At the very least, I am not a go-between.
I keep repeating to both, "What a shame the time you're wasting. Which one of you is going to be the bigger person and start this thing downt he right track?"
Mother is up for that. Daughter, not so much.
I pray there is therapy in their futures. I pray I'm not the therapist.

That's it for the Weekend Update.


Chevy Chase: Good night, and have a pleasant tomorrow.




Friday, March 17, 2006

Thursday, March 16, 2006

3-16-2006 HNT or else!



I thought I would have trouble sleeping last night...with all the "excitement" of yesterday. I was pleasantly surprised when I fell asleep quickly and went right into this amazing dream.
In the dream I was an executive woman. I was one many looked up to. When the deal had to be negotiated and won, I was the one they brought in.
I was invited to join on our next big corporate deal. "No one can get this guy to budge." they said. Confidently, I went along.
A group of us entered a large, austentatious building and went right into the CEO's suite. The CEO turned out to be a young, tall, overly handsome man. He was dressed business but had a golfer's casual look about him. What caught me most was a head of unruly black curls that, it seemed, he would not bother to control. He didn't have to. He was filthy rich and brilliant to boot. He knew it and so did everyone in the room.
The second our group walked in to his extravagant suite of offices his incredible, seductive, dark eyes locked with mine. I was the wildcard and he saw me coming. He liked that. So did I.
We talked money and strategy and business...but he and I already felt the chemistry. We laughed easily and spoke as if this milion-dollar-deal was nothing more than children's hopscotch.
We were meant for moments like this and we both knew it. The tease had begun like a cat and mouse tag.
Because no one else in the room could keep up, he and I began to play our game against them instead of each other. We spoke in a language no one knew but us. The deal was already made. We knew we would find the middle ground but we kept at it sheerly for the enjoyment.
And then we broke for lunch.
The entire group, including this strapping young CEO wandered as a group, first into the elevator, through the lobby and then into the parking lot. All the while he and I stole mischevious glances at one another. Everyone began to split into riders and drivers. He and I never said a word. He walked a pace in front and I followed his lead.
We jumped into his expensive SUV to find ourselves alone for the first time. With doors closed, he turned to me and asked, "So where do you want to go for lunch?"
A quiet moment between us flowed.
I grinned like a schoolgirl and replied,
"Holiday Inn?"
The rest of the dream was better than the first.
Happy HNT.

Wednesday, March 15, 2006

3-15-2006 Your Regularly Scheduled Program

This Special Report has been brought to you by The Soylent Green Biscuit Company. The makers of fine food products.
Because Selective Humanity isn't just for breakfast anymore.
We now return you to your regularly scheduled program.
Just watch the screen and everything will be fine.

3-15-2006 Yay! Doldrums! (or There is Never Anything Good About a Five A.M. Phonecall)

We interrupt our regularly scheduled post to bring you this special report.
When this post is complete, we will return you to your program.



Warning:
This post contains graphic violence,
foul language, annoying self-pity
and intense selfishness.
This post may not be suitable
for children or people with
weak stomachs.


Are you stuck in a rut? Are you tired of the boring, day-to-day sameness of your life? Well get the f**k over it. Be JOYOUS about bland. Learn to LOVE predictable.
After all, it's all downhill from there.
(I'm suddenly reminded of the movie Soylent Green. When people were "chosen" to die, the were put in a room with pretty pictures on a screen. Fields of flowers, flowing brooks etc. which was overlayed by beautiful music. It was the HUMANE way to kill people. Sick movie that one. Quite amusing at the moment though.)



I created this blog as a place to vent the harsh realities of life. My life. My silly, predictable, routine, boring, unchallenging life.
Someone should have just slapped me right then and there.
Too late. I'm way too into this to stop now.

Special Report:

The phone rang at 5:00 a.m. on March 15th, 2006.
I looked at the caller ID and promptly ignored it.
It was the daughter of my best friend.
What went through my mind was horrid. I thought, "If she has overdosed, her daughter should be calling 9-1-1. If she's dead, I'm not ready to find out. I'll find out later. If the daughter has been in a car accident, she has other family members to call."
Sick, huh? Selfish? You bet.
It was 5:00 a.m.
In the entire history of phones there has never been a GOOD 5:00a.m. phone call!

I was not wrong.
In my defense, Jess is prone to DRAMA. She's 20. Why wouldn't she be?
She gets it from her mother.
I love them both regardless, but I am NOT in an emotional place to be of any help to either of them. (there's my nasty selfishness)

(You want to know what the phonecall was, don't you? We're getting there.)

History: My best friend is manic depressive. Her daughter is a 4.0 prelaw student. A brilliant child with an over-emotional view of life.
Neither of them will seek therapy for reasons that I entirely understand.
OH MY GAWD!!! I just realized I'm justifying this crap.

Fine.
Drama-Jess called back after I didn't answer the first time.
I figured someone was dead so I should answer the phone. I did and what came across was a completely calm, very conversational "Hi."
This immediately put me on the defense. I thought "oh boy, here comes the Poor Me soap opera." I was not disappointed.
Drama-Jess said "I thought you would want to know that mom's in jail."
(Uh-oh.)
"Why? What happened."
"She beat the s**t out of me."
(Well damn! Damn and double damn! This has never happened before. I KNEW she shouldn't have been given those steroids by that freaking doctor. She had a sciatic nerve problem. Sterioids should be outlawed just because of the uncontrollable emotional state they put people in and THAT'S what I'll tell the judge at her freaking trial which I will be attending in the future. ((more selfishness)))

"Jess, what caused this?"
(Now, I said Jess is 20 right? She's at that perfect age where EVERYTHING is FOREVER. I hate that age. It's the one where breakups are a life-threatening experience. It's the age, caused by inexperience, that girls do not understand the depth of things that happen to adults. It's the most selfish age.)

Jess replied "I don't know." which I really, highly doubted.
I said, "What happened to set her off?" (drill a little deeper kiddo!)
"She handed me this note and said 'read this out loud' and when I didn't she hit me across the face. Then she did it again until I called the police."
(not that it really matters but the visual here is a 46yr old, 92 lb woman smacking her much larger, much younger daughter)

Are you sick? I am.

Jess moved back in with her mother about a month ago. Since then she has cost her mother well over a thousand dollars. Cars, health insurance, sick pets, tuition expenses, groceries...etc. Her mother does not have that money. Jess works. Jess works, hides her money from her mother, pays for nothing, expects the world to be handed to her and constantly talks about the "trip to Las Vegas" that she is going to take for her 21st birthday next month.
She also doesn't see what's wrong with any of the above.

Jess's mother complains. Daily. Hourly.
She blames Jess for all the bad things in her own life. She blames Jess for all the things she can't do because she has no money.
Jess's mother is not a strong woman and she is horrifically selfish for a 46yr old mom. That drives me up a wall.
Jess's Mom will tell you she's not selfish. She'll tell you that she gives and gives and gets nothing in return.
I, having no children, think that giving and giving and getting nothing in return is NORMAL when raising a child and that it will work itself out later on when Jess has the experience to grasp all that her mother gives.
Jess's mom doesn't want to wait that long.

SO - Jess's mom had this hip/nerve problem. Took steriods for a week (which I remided her again and again "remember that your emotions are chemical emotions until you're over this stuff") and now the situation has gone beyond repair.

Hold on...this is going to get ugly:
I will now be required to "be there for her". I do not wish to "be there for her". I do not wish to "be there for" either of them.
I do not wish to be non-judgemental, consoling, advising, assisting, witnessing, or any of the other things that I will put my life on hold to do.
And that makes me a bad person because that's NOT who I am. I'm the one that saved Jess's Mom from suicide 12 years ago. I'm the one that has lead her through these past 12 years of drama. (and there's been more than enough!!) I have talked her off of more ledges than I care to remember and I have mediated a fair share of mom-daughter disagreements.
Now I just wish I hadn't answered that phone.

I WANT MY BORING LIFE BACK.

Yesterday I was sending and receiving happy, silly, joking e-mails with Jess's Mom.
All I can think now is "what was on that note."

So, the next time I'm whining about my boring, unchallenging, samedom....someone remind me about 5:00a.m. phone calls. Remind me that routine is a damned sight better than dead pets, dead fathers and psychotic friends.
Remind me that there was a time when life was boring and I was one helluva lot closer to happiness then.

Happy Mother-Freaking-Wednesday. Please revel in the boredom!

Tuesday, March 14, 2006

3-14-2006 Shutting up the Inner Voice

So we've discovered that people think differently. (something that schools could use some insight into)
Some of us think in words, others pictures, some both.

I'll circle back to this question: "When you go to bed, turn out the lights, roll over and get comfy....what goes through your head?" but I'll change the context.

Now I'm not asking how but exactly what.
Christa said she analyses her day. Tracey's voice just keeps on chatting. Mine does too. My inner voice chats about the future or gets stuck on one thing and beats that to a pulp.

But WHAT IF YOU DON'T WANT THOSE VOICES OR IMAGES? What do you think of to push them away? Do you have control over them enough to think of other things?

My solutions are many and my current solution is like counting sheep...only sort of worse. In the wake of grief, and a number of thoughts I'd rather not have in the dark of night, I have taught myself to think the alphabet...backward!!
ZXYWVUTSRQPONMLKJIHGFEDCBA

If I can focus enough to do that, I can't think of anything else. A few dozen times and I'll fall asleep doing it. It is getting boring though.

I also have the ability to fantasize. I suppose we all do.
If I'm lucky, I can mentally project myself into a sort of self-made movie. Usually with someone I'm attracted to...usually with someone I've never met or will never meet. Movie stars or musicians for instance.
Let's call that a hold-over from teenagedom. (back when posters of Shaun Cassidy were on my walls)
I can put myself in imaginary instances and sort of write a story around it. This is nothing more than distraction and is rarely (really rarely) ever about anything but companionship. I suspect men do this with pretty women.(those that think at all before konking out) If they don't, they're really missing out. :D

Regardless, quieting my mind is not something I can even imagine. And that's another post in itself.

So, "When you go to bed, turn out the lights, roll over and get comfy....what goes through your head?"
Do you ever direct your thoughts away from what comes naturally? If so, how?

Monday, March 13, 2006

3-13-2006 Inner Voice


Today's post is a question.

"How do you think?"

I've recently learned that individuals THINK differently.
Let me explain:
I think in first person monologue. That is to say that I think very much like I am typing now.

This monologue continues constantly, both day and night. The voice to my monologue is my own. I do not hear my mother's voice in my head chiming past mom-isms. I do not hear the voices of fictional characters, although the occasional Bugs Bunny come-back does pass through.

There is no time that I do not hear this monologue. It is my only thought process. It goes on during all actions and events. Sometimes it is even relevant to what I am doing at the time. Most often, it is not.

When I explained this to my brother I was met with a blank stare. "The voice in your head, huh?" he grinned.
"Well yes." I replied, entirely confused.
I asked, "When you go to bed, turn out the lights, roll over and get comfy....what goes through your head? Do you not think?"
"Well, I see pictures but I don't hear voices." he retorted.

The thought of an inner monologue was entirley foreign to him. The idea of "seeing pictures" is pretty foreign to me.
Do I see images? Yes, but they are not only accompanied by the "voice" they are actually conjured by it.

So I asked my husband, "When you go to bed, turn out the lights, roll over and get comfy....what goes through your head?"
And he replied...."nothing". Which explains why he goes to sleep inside of 5 minutes and has never ever had insomnia.
It explains a lot more than that too. hah

I do not have the ability to "turn off" the voice. But that's a post for another time.

My question is: How do you think?
And for those of you who speak multiple languages: "In what language do you think?"

Saturday, March 11, 2006

3-11-2006 Oops

Went to be last night thinking I would wake up early, drink coffee, open all the windows and clean this freaking house.
There are leaves budding on trees and there are new blossoms on the Bradford Pear trees. (landscaper's dream)
I am ready for spring - spring cleaning - NEW!
I NEED to put winter behind me.

But that's not what happned at all.
I woke up 2hours after my 8:a.m. alarm with the headache of the century. I came downstairs to find a message from my sister that she's upset because I won't be attending her party tonight. I told her I probably couldn't make it. (engine light's still on and it's in Houston) but she seems awful upset that I won't be there.
So now I'm sad and achy and late.
Fudge.

I think I'll call her and hope she forgives me. Maybe then I'll feel better.

Here's my only fractal. And it's very odd as fractals go. It's really only a play on light and color.
I seem to have an attraction to things of this nature lately. Maybe looking for a light at the end of a tunnel. Maybe looking for the tunnel. hah

I am going to spend the rest of the weekend working on a Monday post that I hope to elaborate on all week. A research project, if you will.
I hope y'all will stay tuned and join in the conversation.

Have a splendid weekend wherever you are. :)

Friday, March 10, 2006

3-10-2006

Doin' the "Friday Shuffle"


Turn up the tunes and dance like nobody's watchin.


(but watch out because I'm watchin.)

Thursday, March 09, 2006

3-9-2006 Half Nekkid?

It's Half Nekkid Thursday...which is quite appropriate in that I have nothing to wear to work today. Maybe I should just go in half-nekkid.
Probably not. And no, it wouldn't be much of a photo op for me.

I'll just hope that the rest of you have some glorious half-nekkidness steaming off of your websites. I do look forward to these Thursdays.
I will say that I did attempt to put some Johnny Depp half-nekkidness on my site today, only to find that the little bastage wears clothing entirely too much. Maybe some other day.

All I have is a weird little fractal.


or two.

Consider them half-nekkid fractals.
Have a great Thursday. :D

Wednesday, March 08, 2006

3-8-06



Is it Wednesday already??
I completely overslept.

It's going to rain super-hard today. I love rain. Makes me all sleepy and peaceful. (I can see that it's going to be one of those days. haha)


I think I'll go nap in the shower and then go to work so I can nap some more.
That is, if I can get out of the chair without falling asleep.
Happy Humpday all.

(You really feel the urge to yawn right now, don't you? Type "yawn" into Google and select "image" on the toolbar. It's hysterical all the yawn pics that people post. And yawns are contageous. You'll end up joining the pics.)

Tuesday, March 07, 2006

3-6-06 Ramblings

What have I got for postings today?
Not much really.

How about a smile to light the world?


Yeah, that will do just fine.

If Monday was a theme park, Tuesday is a play date.
Let's all go play on the swings and slide down the slide. I can climb the monkey bars all the way to the top. And when we're up there, we'll just lay on our backs and look at the clouds floating by.

Monday, March 06, 2006


"Start by doing what's necessary,
then what's possible,
and suddenly you are doing the impossible."
-Saint Francis



Welcome to Monday.

Saturday, March 04, 2006

3-4-2006 Peace

"Ever since my
house burned down
I see the moon more clearly"



Ashes and Snow

Love and peace to all who pass by this way.


This is a beautiful and peaceful website. Choose "experience" and flow through the photos and videos.

**Please note that this website was featured on Yahoo Picks yesterday and most unfortunately, it doesn't appear to have the bandwidth to service everyone at once.
Please bookmark it and go back if it won't load for you today. It will touch you deeply and it is very worth the effort.

Friday, March 03, 2006

3-3-06 Freebie Friday

My sister (seeeester) is very big on cheap and free. Not that she's either. She's tied down and very high maintenance. Bwwahaha. (not really)
Anyway, she got in with a group who shares coupons and links to "free stuff".
So, every now and again, I'm going to drop a few of those links here. You can sign up if you like and "Yes, big brother is watching what you buy."
Regardless, free Pantene was pretty good and I've run across free hose and free undies too. Go figure.
(was that FNF? "Free undies")

Here's "Free Dove Crap"(and it's not really bird poop)

and how about some Free Deoderant? My sister wrote "cause I can smell ya from here". heh. She's funny, huh?

Nothing like a Freebie on Friday. (or was it "nothing like a quickie on Friday?" I get confused. )

Happy Friday!

Thursday, March 02, 2006

3-2-06 "Organize" used as an oxymoron


AOL Tech support suggests that I back up the "organize" folder in my AOL files.
AOL Tech support is obviously not talking about my pc.

I have had AOL for 6 years. I have e-mails from 2000 in my "filing cabinet". I wish to keep these e-mails. Sentimental value and all.


In the past 6 years I have had to upgrade or reload AOL at least 8 times.
I know this because each upgrade/reload creates a new AOL instead of replacing the old. It looks like this:

AOL 8.0
AOL 8.0a
AOL 9.0
AOL 9.0a (security Edition)
etc

The problem is that there are now 16 instances of the "organize" folder on my PC. Some are where they should be. Others are in bizarre places. Some "organize" folders are inside of other "organize" folders. Sometimes, when you enter an "organize" folder there is a link to an "organize" folder inside of another "organize" folder. (click the pic to see the full version. It will make yor head explode.)

AOSMELL does not have the ability to tell me WHICH of the 16 folders it is using.
Brilliant, huh?
I can hit the "backup" button all day long but I have no idea where it backed up to.

There is only one way to know. I must copy/paste each instance of "organize" into one file (hoping it's the one being used) and then log on to AOhHell and SEE IF IT CHANGED.
IF I pick the right folder and the right location to copy into, I will write over whatever file it is using now.
Again with the brilliantness.

(yes...backup all organize folders before testing the theory)

So, in effect, the "organize" folder is not at all organized. It is, in fact, the antithesis of organization.

Wednesday, March 01, 2006

3-1-06

OMG...I made it to March.
It seems the past six months (the past three especially) have been about 47 years long. Today's date seems to be some long awaited "right of passage" sort of day. In reality, it is only the same as yesterday.

As for the PC issues, I suspect my problems have a lot to do with Internet Exploder and AOHell. I would just reinstall but....ah....it's a long story and not worth our time.

A bit sad though. Whatever is eating my PC lost all my "favorite places" and try as I might, I cannot restore them. There were a lot of links there that Dad and I shared. Sigh.

Well, here's a pretty (odd) fractal for the day. It's a bit dim but it's all I've got. Happy Wednesday all.