Kidney stone is still in place. Rats.
Back to Wednesday' subject:
Therapist reiterated the same as below. The freind has a "crisis addiction" and is likely bi-polar to boot.
Shrinkette says I am enabling her. Yes. I guess I am.
I'm trying to find a way to separate myself from my friend. There's a high burden of guilt, regardless of people saying "you are not responsible for her actions". Since I know her actions would be negative to my "ditching" her, aren't I somewhat responsible? I have prior knowledge.
It's frightening.
The idea of losing my best friend is frightening also.
BUT, yesterday she placed another nail in the coffin of our friendship. I had sent an e-mail telling her of the kidney stone event. A few hours later she called to check on me. Only, something wasn't right about the conversation. She quickly asked what they had given me for pain. I told her "Tramadol and something else that I haven't filled yet." She said, "Hydrocodone?" And there was a hopeful upturn in her voice. I clicked to it immediately and said "I don't think it's Hydrocodone. That stuff never really helps me." And her reply: "Well it makes me very happy. If that's what they gave you, I'll pay for it."
She wants my pain meds. Hydrocodone gives her a false sense of happiness and she's so depressed that she wants my pain meds, despite my pain.
I told her "No hon, I'm not going to do that." which was a very nice way of saying, "you selfish beotch!!!"
That really hurt. She hadn't called to check on me at all. She called for her own sake.
The other medicine is Hydrocodone. I'm going to fill the prescription. I'm not going to tell her.
I actually felt guilty about it.
Lastly, I called Mom to tell her of the hospital adventure and let her know I'd be alright....because you do that sort of thing.
I caught her on a really bad day.
Turns out the Hospice, where my father was for only 15hrs before he died, has sent my mother a bill for $2,000 and another from the doctor for $250. They had assured my mother that it was all pro-bono and she signed papers saying the same.
That doctor saw my father for 15 minutes. How's that for an hourly rate.
MD Anderson was supposed to check that Hospice to be sure it was covered by the insurance. Turns out the danged place was out-of-network as well.
I told Mom not to pay it. How I wish I could fix all the financial b.s. She's so overwhelmed. Dad would not want this.
So, I sound pretty bummed, but I'm not really. It's Friday and there's a weekend coming.
I'm late. Gotta run.
Have a great day all.
10 comments:
For whatever it's worth, Agnes...you did the right thing to turn your friend down. Those pills wouldn't really have helped either of you if you allowed her to buy them from you.
And I'm sorry to hear about your mom. Darn it, couldn't that doctor do ANYTHING right?? No one should pay them for the shitty "treatment" they gave your dad. Since they didn't lift a finger to even try to cure anything, they shouldn't get paid either.
I hope your day will be a good one too :hugs:
Mornin' Christa. Thanks for absolving my guilt. ;) I do know that the pills will solve nothing for her. I wish she knew that too.
Dropping out of the friendship might push her to rock bottom. I hate to think of it, but I think it's exactly what she needs.
MDA was a complete failure and Mom shouldn't have to pay. BUT, Mom expects to buy a new house in the future. She can't afford for her credit to be battered by this. It's such a catch 22. If only I could pay those bills off so she'd never see them. :(
I'll do my best to have a good day. In spite of it all, my mood is pretty good. :D
Love to you and Robin. I'll drop in soon.
I have so much catching up to do with your blog...oh well, at least it gives me something to do over the weekend :)
Desperation, outweighing empathy for your situation, very sad - hope things change asap and of course you absolutely did the right thing by not giving her those pills.
So sorry to hear of Mom's troubles, terribly unfair!
Glad, in spite of it all, you are doing okay. Happy Friday to you, sweetheart, and I hope you have a great weekend, x
I beg to differ from Shrinkette, but you are certainly not enabling anyone at all. Rather than jumping in and "saving" everyone, or being the Joan of Arc crusader in putting their broken shells back to together, you calmly and levelly put things into the right perspective, stepping out of the director's chair.
There is no reason you should give someone else your meds, especially knowing their tendency toward abuse. It may sound like a big mess, but you don't have any power over what anyone else choses to do with their life (much as we think we do). If they blow it, it isn't because of you. Hate to tell you but none of us owns that power over another. I applaud you in your growing objectiveness in that situation.
As for the Hospice gig - that is most unfortunate. Dealing with the end of life as they do, it is their duty, their responsibility, to make sure things are clearly defined in the beginning with no misunderstandings. I would call them and hash it out. Ooouuu it makes me so mad to think about it. grrr.
All in all Aggie, I'd say you are dealing with today beautifully! Happy Friday, in spite of these little annoyances... :-D
Hello Aggie. {waving}
Hope you have peace this weekend.
Morning my dear. Let us know you are okay. Thinking of you.
Poor Agnes...here we go with another hell of a time. You need a little peace. I wish there was a way I could give it to you.
As for the insurance...I do that all day long at work. It's a major headache. If she signed papers saying it was going to be pro-bono...as them for a copy...as long as there is no HIPAA red tape since your mom was acting at his guardian...they should give it to her. Also...I'd contact the insurance company and get copies of the EOB's (Explanation of Benefits) if she doesn't already have them. If the insurance had some out of network benefits then there will still most likely be some sort of contractual adj made by the ins. company that the doctor cannot charge you. So just double check all of that and if it doesn't look right, call the office...lord knows there are plenty of billing errors out there. Good luck.
Oh...also...if your father was on Medicare...and they try to charge you for things they know won't be covered by the insurance...he or your mom would have to sign an ABN form (Advanced Beneficiary Notice).
you definitely should not feel guilty about lying to her about not having that specific type of medicine.
its sad that she feels like the answer to her problems is to take pain pills.
from what i know of you thru reading and commenting via blogs, i'm sure that you are a good friend and will be able to do whats best for her. i hope all progresses well.
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