Oldness:
I had an odd thought last night. We hide things from the elderly. "Don't tell grandma that you're sick. She'll only worry." "Don't tell grandad that the kids moved in together but didn't get married. He'll get upset." Why do we think they can't handle news? They've been through and seen much more than we have. Certainly they can manage. Do we get less able to deal when we get older? I can't imagine.
Life, in our middle age, is about what is going on. We keep up with the stories of family and neighbors. We are involved. These things keep us "in the loop". They keep us active. They make us care.
When people get older we start to cut them out of that loop "for their own good". Is it really for their own good? Doesn't it just isolate them not to be in the know? Maybe it's one of those things I'll understand when I'm older and start hiding things from Mom.
Manic Depressives
My co-worker, now referred to as "my cellmate", is manic depressive......or possibly an alcoholic. Or probably both. She spends most of the days in a deep blue funk which she pours over everyone around her. I'm trapped 5 feet from her so she blue funks all over me all day long, 40hrs a week. She throws things, slams things, sighs like a widow all day long. It's MISERABLE to be near her. HOWEVER, she did this one day last week for the first 4hrs of the day......then she went to lunch. When she returned from lunch she was GIDDY. Seriously giddy! She suddenly loved everyone. She loved her job and thought everyone was so "silly".
Uh-huh. I get it. Had a little drinkypoo at lunch did we?
Two hours later she was blue again. Yep. That alcohol wears off dammit.
She should spike her morning coffee.
I need a new job. And yes, I'm looking.
Steve Perry
About 3 yrs ago Dad called me up on the phone to tell me of a radio show in Houston. He said the hosts had a competition to name "The Voice of Rock and Roll". I don't recall who the contestants were but the final outcome of many phone calls was Steve Perry. He called to tell me this because he wholly agreed. I did too.
In all of 70's-80's Rock, that crystalline, chiming voice still holds as the icon of the era.
Long about Dad's birthday this year I couldn't get that thought out of my head. I knew that if Dad were still here, I would have bought him some Journey music. The hubby, being sweet and thoughtful that he is, bought for me the Time3 set. Some fifty-odd Journey songs in chronological order. They're playing in the background now.
I started Youtubing Journey and Steve Perry. There's a lot out there.
I ran across an interview with Steve Perry done many years after the "O' Sherrie" era. He hadn't put out an album in 7+ years but was coming out with a new one. He said, "Steve Perry had to stop to find out what was left standing after a very large circus ride." ... " I really didn't have a lot to say for 7 years. I had nothing to say. I was...dry..."An Interview with Steve Perry
I think that's where I have gone. I can relate to Mr. Perry on a couple of levels.
I have a voice inside my head that drove all the blog posts from 2004-2006. That voice is much more still these days. Part of the voice left with Dad. There was a part that lived to relate my world to him. I sought humor and irony to phone him and share that laughter. That ability is lost now with no outlet.
Secondly, my mental focus has been wrapped in other people for a year now. Who needs support? Who needs love? Who needs help? What can I do and for whom. The entirety of my internal world has been external. The ONLY times I have spun that voice inside, I have found not much but my own heartache and that seems selfish at best so I avoid it.
I avoid a lot these days honestly. I am, if you will, living in the moment. Isn't that what we are supposed to do? I do not worry the future for I have NO control there and I am VERY aware of that. I wish for nothing - I no longer believe in the power of wishing. I do not dwell on the past because I can't change it and I can barely face it. I am here. Now. No place else....and then "poof" I am off to the next thing.
*******Sidenote - Aug 11th was the anniversary of Jessica's death. I do not believe, Elvis, in celebrating the anniversary of deaths. Ridiculously painful act.
Regardless, her mother, with the help of some wonderful neighbors, set a mass of helium filled balloons to flight in her honor. Symbolic and lovely and well done.
August 28th is the date set for the trial of the young man who sold meth to Jess. that will be a stressful day. What is on the other side of that I don't know.
Finally, yesterday, August 17th, 2007 marked the beginning of the last month of 39ness for me. I will be 40 soon. Expect a blog of 40yr old quotes because I've been reading them. LOL
Hugs and love and kindness to each and every one of you and to every one you love through you.
Aggie
10 comments:
Love to you Aggie. That hand you see is me reaching out to you to join me in the most glorious 40s. I do have to tell you though, I like older women and no matter how hard you try, you just ain't ever going to make it into that category. :-D
Love and hugs and a happy belated birthday, Aggie, xoxo
About being old Aggie I think we don't tell old people things more to save face for ourselves then them. I think sometimes that we worry more about what they will think of us as parents. I'm sure they have seen it all and thought they might be dissapointed I think it's our problem that keeps us in hiding
I think you're right about how we treat old people, Agnes. We do isolate them, even if some people do it for the sake of caring. It's still not right though.
And being 40 ain't all that bad, ya know ;) It takes you one step further to more knowledge, and hopefully a new job...lol Geez...must be horrible to have someone like that beside you every day :p
Luv ya :hugs:
Hi Hon - glad to hear you again.
Sounds like you've had a rough time. I can relate - as somehow I always seem to with you.
Oldness? You know, my Sweetie doesn't tell his Mom anything, nor his daughters. It is not just an age thing, but one of where he feels as though he is protecting them from stuff. I guess. I don't agree.. in most cases I think honesty is a good policy. I do have to admit keeping a fact from someone once though... when I discovered, one year after my husband's death a 1/2 empty bottle of hydrocodone secreted in a hideyhole in the basement, and realized he had actually accidentally od'd, not died completely from a pulmonary embolism as I had believed, I didn't tell anyone. Especially not my oldest daughter who loved him fiercely. Why? No need - it wouldn't change anything but would make her agonize and rage over his addiction. So there are two sides sometimes.
I wish you success in your search for other employment... I have been half-heartedly doing the same. Not for the same reasons, but nevertheless, I want out of here. Your co-worker is battling her own demons - I wish her better things as well.
Steve Perry has the most amazing voice - harmonies, soul... I miss all of it. His songs were straight from the heart, and I didn't realize how much until I watched that interview. I miss your Dad right along with you - when we hear music, which we associate with loved ones, it is a bittersweet moment.
After losing my husband, I went into a weird spin. Met my first love after 32 years of life in between, and was swept down a roaring river of emotion and more emotion, completely out of control on every level. I struggled with the rightness vs. wrongness of it all - missing one, yet loving another. Hard to explain. The conflict went so deep as to upset my faith, and I have yet still to pull out of this tumble I am in. Like you, I avoid a lot these days... not very social, not involved in my community anymore, not deeply into my friends' lives. I am becoming a hermit. Is this bad? I don't know.
Last month my sister's eldest boy Joshua (10 years old) was swept away in the North Platte River, and was drowned, after having jumped into the rain-swollen waters on a dare from friends. The complete wrongness of the whole thing stuns me. I have no answers, no hope in understanding it. My faith has taken an even harder hit. So I move along, one day after the next, like you.
Lace your arm with mine Agnes, and let's walk a bit... I'm content with that at the moment. Hugs - and happy Friday.
Never let it be said that I do not have a talent for misinterpretation. :-)
Strike the above comment and I'll see you mid-September if not before. Hugs to you and a happy holiday weekend, xo
Hope all is well with you and yours Agnes. I think of you often and wonder how you are.
xo
Oh, and
HAVE A HAPPY BIRTHDAY
next week!! :)
Good morning!
Hope you have a fabulous birthday today, a perfect celebration! Wishing you much happiness in the year ahead. Love and hugs, x
I heard that today is your birthday. Meet me at 10pm tonight and I'll show you what it means to smile, more than once. :-D
Happy Birthday Aggie! :-)
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