It's been a while. A long while. The update here will be odd. We'll see how it goes.
Last post 7-25-04**********
-He got Shingles (miserable, LONG ailment)
-We were both out of work. He was fired in a heinous act of vengeance by a stupid child coworker. I was laid off when my previous employer lost a contract
-He went to Portland for a family reunion
-I went to Houston to visit family as well
New post 10-7-04*************
He and I got along amazingly well when we were both unemployed. This stemmed from our being in the same sinking boat. A mutual empathy, I suppose. It also helped that the money wasn't as tight as I had feared. Also, I kept us both believing it would all work out and I kept reminding him (and myself) that we weren't in a "suffering" state financially. Anyway, the bond felt much closer than it ever has. I reveled in it... ...it's fading now back to resentment on his part. Possibly on mine too. I'm sad about that.
He found work at a nice company on August 25th. He doesn't really care for the work. The hours are 50/wk, including 5hrs on Saturday. It pays $7000 more than his last job and he has finally achieved the $30,000/yr mark. He's happy about that and he's trying to tolerate it well. As of this date, I see him falling into old habits. He has fixated on a source of discord at his new job. I guess there has to be one in every situation. I wish he could separate work from home though. I wish he would leave the day at the doorstep when he leaves the job. I have learned to keep the two apart. I wish he would.
We also had a bit of confusion with TWC and Manpower Temporaries. MP claimed he "quit" but their dates and information was wrong...and he didn't quit. It's a long story. The short version is: TWC told him that we would have to pay back $1400.00. We contested it. We had a hearing via phone (stress stress stress) and we WON. This felt like the beginning of good news. On the same day, I got a call back regarding an interview. I got the job. I really like my future supervisor. I think I will be happy. (prayers)
I start on 10-18-04. It is the job I wanted. In my downtime, I raked myself over the coals pretty badly. The problem as I see it, is that I don't want to do what I've been doing for 10yrs. My "friends" didn't come through for me....maybe I never came through for them. Some tried - best friend, best friend's father, my aunt. The rest of my network was a complete letdown. My heart broke. I found a rock bottom. I decided it had to be on my terms this time anyway. I forgave them. Those people have busy lives and assume I am talented enough to handle myself. I'm not a child, after all.
I decided I would start a new career. I decided my strength is my ability to communicate over the phone and my ability to provide "customer service". It is the essence of my success in all past jobs. It is the one thing I "enjoy". I started seeking Customer Service Representative positions. I wanted one in a food manufacturing situation since I am familiar with it from the past two employments (DP and Mstar). I know I have a good grasp of that world. I also determined that a position like this would allow me to avoid the "on-call" situation. I really must get rid of that. It's an intrusion.
Finally, and not at all least importantly, I want longevity. I want to work somewhere that won't die from the loss of a contract. I want to work in one place until I retire. I want to be one of those people who says "I've been working there for 20 years." I don't even care anymore if I do it in the same position. I just DO NOT want to be in THIS boat again....much less every two freaking years. I can't stand the insecurity.
The downside to this? -$17,000/year. I knew the cut I would take. I knew it going in. I hope we can survive. I hope I can teach my husband that he has to take on more of our financial life. That will be very hard. He feels like he's getting ahead for the first time in his life. I have to toss the wrench into that. The idea makes me sad.
Last thing: Sometime in July I developed a lump just above my right jawbone. We didn't have insurance. I knew I couldn't have it checked out. No way to afford that. Two weeks ago "our" insurance went into affect. PHCS via my husband's job. $600 deductible. (now that I write that figure, it doesn't seem so bad) Today I will go to the doctor. I am scared to death. Worse yet, I start work on 10-18.....10 days from now. THIS is the timetable I have to deal with the problem...whatever it is. I will not have sick time until February. I will not be able to use my insurance at my new job for this. Pre-existing.
Please....do not let this shoe drop. Let it be a simple, easy, common ailment. Please God. Please.
Today I am sad. From the fear I am sure. I haven't been sad in a long while...just so you know. These past months haven't been awful. Part of me dreads their ending. Cross fingers and toes and legs and arms and eyes. Pray. Pray hard that it all works out. Pray that I have another summer to enjoy.....and I will stand in a warm rain in July and let the water soak my skin and wash away all the pain of the past.
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