MY SPIRAL NOTEBOOK

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Tomorrow
Today
Forever
Time
It all falls away.
And none of it's mine.
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Crazy-raging into the night
Moving at the speed of traffic lights.
Thrilled by near-misses
and the fantasy
that any second could be the last.
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One Second - unfinished
One second puts a whole new set of hopes on your plate.
One wink from you and I had dreams I never knew.
In the next wink, you didn't see the light change.
Now all my dreams are prayers.
One second changes everything.
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Heavy clouds
Crashing years
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(excerpt from Billy Could Have Been a Better Man)
Here we are today
just playin' at life
like we've got tomorrow
stashed away
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I've got a first class ticket,
but the pilot's number came up.
Just another stroke
of rotten luck.
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Paint the lies pretty colors.
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A dry sound - the dry sound of a heartbreak
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Freed - a soul is freed
*****
Don't even know what I wanted to say
Something about how it all got away
and how youth
never sees the truth
Reality is for those much longer in tooth
*****

I find myself longing for us again...like we were at 26. I feel something lost in my soul. A spirit of freedom hiding under all this responsibility. Remember when we were free? Remember when we took the night on like life depended on it? Remember when we pushed every limit as far as we could? Ah...but we're older now. Settled. Consistent. Dependable. And I fear with every fiber of my being that I'll never feel it again.....and I think of them and I know the joy of life now is much simpler....but...do they ache like I do? Like I ache for you?...for youth?

I have to find a way to LIVE again. This shell does not deserve to be called life. Get off the couch. Get away from TV. Get outside. Get a hobby. Get a dream...and move toward it........get busy living or get busy dying.

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Don't tell me you really believe
all this "stuff" wins the game?
If that's what you think
then you and I are not the same.
There isn't a thing I'd keep.
I could throw it all away.
All I will ever need
is to hear you say you'll stay
anyway.
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