2-9-08 Week..um...six, I think....

Hell week! Once a year all of our outside sales reps converge on the Dallas office. It equates to having a big family holiday in your very small house. It's nice to see some of them. Some you wish would never have come. What's the saying? "Fish and house guests start to stink after three days." LOL
The delimma here is that the whole week is actually fun. It's a lot of people saying nothing but nice things to and about each other. That's such a radical change from the day-to-dayness that it inspires me to HOPE that this job has potential. It steers me away from the job hunt. It makes me BELIEVE that I want to continue this. Still, my jaded and cynical side tries so hard to keep me in check. I KNOW this isn't reality. We spend a week in a charade of "it's all going to be so much better". Everyone is really genuine about that thought, including myself because I really can see the potential of these two companies working together. But I KNOW it hasn't worked yet. Am I just too impatient? Am I too intolerant because of what I've seen in the past? Of course all this fussing is JUST ME.....or is it? Oh the doubt.

I guess that's why I'm writing all this stuff out. When I get deluded about the facts, I want the ability to read back and make sure I felt what I felt and experienced what I did. I don't want to focus on the frustrations, but I do want to be able to confirm the reality.

I'm tired from the week but at least there was laughter. If there were more laughter there, I could probably make it work. We'll see.

On that note, the cellmate, lost her favorite pet on January 29th and, while we were at our big trade show on Thursday 2/7, she got a call that her brother had passed away. Of course I stepped up as best I could to take as much burden off of her as possible. She'll be out next week and I'll do my best to keep things running. I do feel for her, but at the same time I'm very concerned about the future. She's very demanding of sympathy and she's a severly depressed person already. The woman has got to get therapy or some kind of happy pills because I've got my own demons and I might be less than caring if she dives into the pity-pot with all of us in tow. I will have to put that wall up and reinforce it's strength. I have the healing of myself and my family and my best friend still to contend with. I just have to have limits to maintain my own ability to function.

So, that's it in a nutshell. I'm exhausted yet restless. I'm hopeful and afraid. That sounds like an Alanis Morissette song, huh?

I sincerely hope that you all have some sort of peace in your lives. There's nothing wrong with a good rut, because in a good rut, there's nothing wrong.

Love, hope and kindness.
Aggie