She flew...and I'm so proud and happy. My heart soars with her. We are changing. We are growing. We are better than before. 

I am changing. I have changed. There came a moment, at the bottom of the well, when I had to get busy. "Get busy living or get busy dying."  I chose.  Some days, days like today, I feel alive again. I ache from exercise, and that ache reminds me that I've done something great for myself. I look forward to yoga tomorrow. I look forward to next month; six months from now. I look forward to growing and learning and being. I have taken a new attitude also. I say, "I will do this for myself despite any negativity that comes at me." and we know it does. Doesn't matter. Doesn't apply. This is FOR ME. This is MINE!  I have changed. I am changing.           ~Agnes Mitchell~

This is the goal.

The question is not whether I can change, but am I willing to try? Am I already too burned to ever trust again?

A week of ups and down. Too busy to rest. Too stressed to celebrate the wins. NTC distribution. First full WOD. Broken window. 70 pushups. Iron level 7. Flat tires need replacing. First yoga class. No weight loss even though I'm dieting and working out so hard. A sincere smile from someone I respect because I did the right thing. 

To meditate brings bittersweet tears. A vision of walking through a door to a beautiful place is met with the reality of never walking through at all. 

Dreaming is he hardest thing I do.

"Even as the shell of the seed must break, that its heart may grow into a tree, so must you know pain."

What else am I ready to learn?

By three methods we may learn wisdom: First, by reflection, which is noblest; Second, by imitation, which is easiest; and third by experience, which is the bitterest.
- Confucius 

Shrink 4.0 & Plans for Saturday

Because I'm so much more than meets the eye...

Srsly? Random anxiety attacks? How is this MY fault?

(I should have been down when you made me insecure!)

"I could have tried and devoted my life to both of us, 
but would have wasted my time when the world we had was YOURS!"

Hope? Is there such at thing?

Made a couple of calls and an appointment to find my hope. 

Hope I find it. 

And you may say to yourself, "My God! What have I done?!"

I built a goddamn cage and locked myself right in it. That's what I've done.

2013-6-30   

It is in my darkest hour that I become angry enough to search for the light.

There is a crack in my cocoon.

1-1-10

Ooooooooooooo!!!!!Ahhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!YAAAAYYYYY!!!!

Uh-oh......

2009-July & August

I'm still here....but so very busy these days. We have a new pet. Baby Sparrow is 23 days old now. It was 7 days when we found it. It had lost it's home to a storm. It's pretty amazing watching something that helpless learn and grow so quickly. Every day is a new experience. Everyone should go through this once.

Sophie Jo, our Momma Calico has breast cancer. We found it in May. She had 2 of 4 left breasts surgically removed. She has had 3 rounds of chemo. Now we have a new lump in the 3rd breast. It's small. I hope we get it this time.

Love to all of you who still hang around.

I can be found on Facebook most days. I'm listed as Agnes Mitchell. There probably isn't another Agnes Mitchell out there so feel free to look me up.

All the best, always.

Aggie

False Alarm

No worries - it was just another false alarm!

2009-5-21

It isn't fair to spend two years telling everyone you want to kill yourself and then expect them all to come running when you tell them you have cancer. It isn't fair and it isn't right. It's just confusing!

2008 MERRY CHRISTMAS

Wishing you all the Merriest of Christmases and a joyfilled New Year.

Love, Aggie

Home?

We closed on September 30th. My first HOUSE. My new home.

It wasn't easy. I learned a helluva lot. I took a lot of chances. I had moments of triumph and equal moments of fear.

Tomorrow we start moving in. NOW it is real. Now it is permanent. I am excited and hopeful. I have cold feet too.

Forever. That's not like me at all. I'm not great with forevers..... I'm not real trusting.

This one will last.

I dream of the garden I will plant. I dream of holiday decorations. I hope for the laughter of my family to fill the halls.

I hope this forever is grand.

I have to note, for rememberance sake, that we met and spent good time with the previous owners. They have lived there since the house was built. They are sweet, kind people who took amazing care of this house. I sincerely hope to maintain that legacy.

The Hammills told us of the life the house has lived. 34 years and counting. They said they sat on the back porch and looked out over fields and cows. There are no fields now. No cows for miles. House upon house and traffic around the houses...but I know the house had happiness. It was exciting for them when they purchased it - nearly the same ages as we are now. It is exciting for us too.

Hello House. Be good to us. Be home to us.

Aggie - 10/21/2008

IKE 9-13-08

Hang on to your shorts. This one's gonna get messy!

.....and it did. Luckily, our family faired quite well. (thank you God or angels or Dad or whomever was looking out for us.) Mom's house stayed sound, with the exception of the wiring being pulled from the back when a tree fell on the power lines. That'll not be a cheap fix because I'm pretty sure Dad rigged up most of that old wiring himself. Maybe that's a good thing. Maybe the fix will be up to code.

My Grandad's house is sound as well.

My sister's house took no damage save for the wooden fence in the backyard. It needed replacing anyway.

As far as I know, my brother's house stood just fine.

Mom has no phones. Even the cell has no signal. Being industrious as she is, she got OnStar to hand over a few extra minutes so she could call us and check in. OnStar ROCKS!

Some good came of it. All of Mom's neighbors, knowing that Dad isn't around, came to help my Mom out. They brought wood. They boarded up her windows. They secured her house. WOW! That was pretty awesome.

Even the mailman offered to come by to walk around the house with her and make sure she was safe.

Amazing people. Amazing community.

She'll cook them all chocolate pies to make up for it. :) Mmmmm...can't beat Mom's chocolate pie!

For the thousands who lost their homes and lives down in Galveston and Clear Lake and Downtown, we ache for you. We know the loss. We've done it before.

We'll pray your worlds come back together as painlessly as possible. We'll pray you are blessed with the kindness of neighbors and strangers until the world makes sense again.

We got lucky again. Thanks Dad, for watching over us. Mom was plenty scared without you but we did ok.

That's enough wind and rain for one year. Let's get on with fall and leaves and holidays.

Love and blessings to each of you and to all of those you love.

Aggie

Septembers

Septembers. Our birthdays are in September. Why wouldn't it be my favorite month? It has always been the hope for new beginnings. It promises Fall, to end the summer heat. It offers new life as I put another year's mistakes behind me and "swear this year will be different". When I was young, it was the beginning of a new school year. A chance to reconnect with lost friends.....just as I'm doing now.

September promises.

It always has.

We've spent 6 months searching, toiling, learning, sufferring, hoping, losing, trying again.

We met the worlds worst realtor (I'll never forget you Ashley. You were a life-lesson if ever there was one!) and we've met a wonderful replacement. (Thank you Deanna...for taking our hands, bringing us hope and for being a friend.)

As today begins, we wait for word. This is #3. Three has ALWAYS been my lucky number. I sincerely hope it is now.

A silent prayer plays over in my mind. "Let them accept our offer. Let this not be a mistake. Let this be a new beginning...again."

Let me finally find a home. A HOME.