Mine=fine - but noticably short tempered
His=The "cold" lingers on. He developed a cough 12-30-07 and went for antibiotics 1-4-08. He's been sick in one way or another since he quit smoking 18 months ago. It unnerves me terribly. I worry.
I created a compilation video of the kid's Christmas. I shared it via PC this year. I taped it because it was Nora's first and because my sister couldn't find her camera. The compilation is here for the sake of memory:
Christmas 2008 Video
The Texas twangs are overwhelming. LOL
I bought my first Ipod! After years of denoucing them as "a ridiculous waste of money", I now cannot understand how I ever lived without one. I'm completely addicted. 4 gig= 600+ songs (no commercials), 2 videos and 4 games...and counting. AND it allows me to listen at work thus blocking out the cellmate and making the time pass more quickly. Ahhhhh - there is no substitute for music.
We adopted cat #3 in early November. It was someone's pet, escaped and lost. The hubby took to feeding it outside back in October and when the first freeze came in we had to act. Turns out the cat is fixed and, thanks to us, now has all of its shots. I considered trying to find the owners, knowing the heartace of that loss, however, the cat is solid black and the hubby feels it was sent by his own, now lost, kitty. How could I deprive the hubby or the cat of a life of guaranteed mutual admiration. Besides, I KNOW that cat will be overly-cared-for in our home. It's what we do.
Welcome home Shadow. You live with us now.
Princess Mishu is still pissed about it.
Going back to work after 5 days off was quite difficult. My internal conflict rages on. I still have no patience or empathy for my cellmate. I keep trying to hang on to Randy Pausch's words "If you don't like someone, just wait a while. They will almost always surprise you." The internal conflict is that while she isn't an entirely bad person, she is a sympathy whore. I lost patience for that type of person on August 11th, 2006. I feel I have good reason. I can't find it in myself to find patience with those who pity themselves publicly. This week she found out that her beloved pet is not long for this world. I, of all people, can empathize with that - but the sobbing at work (literal sobbing) angers me. (and she did it 4 times in one day within earshot of me - as if some kind of sick instant replay. Being around her is like watching a car crash over and over and over - only there's no curiosity, just disdain.) I didn't do that. I didn't even do that when I lost Dad.
I do not display my emotions publicly. I think that I believe it to be a sign of weakness.
The very fact that I have given it this much space only exemplifies my inability to come to terms with it. I suspect that I am jaded. I know, partly, that I am in the wrong to judge - and yet, I am powerless not to. It goes back to the wall that I've built these past two years. Empathizing would put a ding in that wall and I refuse to allow that. The wall stands strong. I will not feel, lest I be hurt myself.
There is an entire dissertation on that wall that I have been writing for a long time. It isn't complete. Maybe, if I ever let anyone through it, I will be able to complete it and move on. Maybe I will never let anyone through it again
On that note, I've had this bizarre longing to re-connect with people from my past. I suspect it has to do with the wall. There is some kind of comfort that I am seeking and not finding. In the past month I have located the Loftons, the Norreds and the Nerrens via the intenet. All people from High School or before. I said "hello" and some said "hello" back. It feels comforting but it also feels separate and temporary. Rejoining the blogosphere is a part of that desire as well.
I need something to hold on to.........but what? I know we can never go back again.
the snow turned into rain"
Same Old Lang Syne
Dan Fogelberg
Peace, love, and random acts of kindness to you all.
Aggie
11 comments:
Aggie, been thinking of you too. I'll show you my iPod if you'll show me yours. Meet you down on the corner. Wear your boots and I'll wear my stetson. Deal? :-D
That's such a cute video...lol...both of them are adorable :D
And sometimes when u quit smoking you can get very sensitive to infections, and it sounds like that's what happened. Don't worry too much (I know that's easy to say.)
Next time you find a kitty somewhere, can you send it to me? LOL
Hope the rest of the year will be a good one for you :hugs: Nice to see you around and about again :D
Tree, they have come out with an 80 gig Ipod. Wanna get one and then MERGE them? Mmmmmmm. Merging is good. ;) You're going to have to loan me the Stetson too. I do look good in boots and a cowboy hat. I was raised that way, you know. (your mind is racing right now, huh?)
Christa...I need your link something awful. All I can get to is your old blog and it's pretty...um...quiet. LOL
Those kids are the best part of my world. Love 'em up, I do. Every time I see Nora I want to call her Moppet. I can't figure out why. She just looks like a Moppet to me. They're the best. That was my Mom there on the floor with them. She looks pretty young, huh? I love that about her. I can fake 25 and tell everyone she's only 45. She can still pull that off. :)
Beware the kitty thing. The rules of our keeping the new cat are: 1) He must clean up any mess the kitty makes. 2) He cannot ever feed another outdoor cat.
He only committed to rule 1. ACK! I'll ship the next one to you. Promise!
Aha! I knew 2008 was going to bring good things and it has started already with a post from you. :-D
Was really nice to see how big the littl'uns have grown, so nice too to hear your voice. I'm always surprised at first that you guys have American accents, but it only takes about a minute to recognize the person speaking as the person one has come to know. :-)
Christa's links are on my sidebar btw, if she doesn't come back for a while. I can see from her status on msn that she is rendering, so it may be a while. lol
The blogesphere is still a magical place. :-) Happy week ahead. (Thank goodness for Ipods!)
awe, the new cat is so cute! I'd probably like to have a cat, but Hubby is allergic to them. Too bad.
Merging is good and my mind is racing. :-)
10pm
Several things:
I really like connecting with people I lose touch with. I got a call recently from two very old friends, one is in Africa and the other in the US. All they said was Happy New Year! It really made my day :)
"I will not feel, lest I be hurt myself."...this sounds like the words I am wooing - in vain!!!
Also, coach me on how to quit smoking. I am really struggling. Alcohol is so much easier :D
Correction:
"I will not feel, lest I be hurt myself."...this sounds like the words of the girl I am wooing. Currently, the great charm of Illusions is all in vain!!!
A happy weekend to you.
Oy my. I'm slacking again. Sheesh!
Autumn, the babes are cuties aren't they. The very light of my existence.
I too find it odd when I hear the voice of a blogger...particularly when they have an accent. See, y'all all sound like Texans in my head. LOL In fact, y'all sound like Texan women - which is particularly hard on Tree and Rupen. LOL
Thanks for the note about Christa's links. I have some serious housekeeping to do on this blog. I'll be stealing those links real soon. :)
Becky, the cat is just a sweetie. He's having such a hard time though. Our youngest just won't let him come down the stairs. The bottom step is it and she hisses and swats him back up. Poor guy.
He'll be a real lap-cat someday. lol
I'm sorry your Hubby is allergic because a little girl should have a pet to grow up with. Maybe a hairless cat or...did you know Schnauzer dogs don't shed? They're fantastic pets. Good luck with that.
Tree, I got the wireless adapter so I can play my Ipod over my car stereo. Now I can merge while merging. Bwwahahah.
Rupen, I do love your mind. I sincerely hope the wooee of your current fascination realizes the beauty there. She should be tripping over herself to be in your arms!! Ah - behold the great charm of Illusions!! The very light of which can be seen on the other side of the planet.
I do hope you are not wooing in vain after all.
As for quitting smoking...I still have not. My hubby did by applying the same knowledge he used when quitting alcohol 25 years ago. One day, one minute, one craving at a time. He's two years smoke-free now. BRAVO!! Good luck with your own.
(I prefer the patch and some Wellbutrin.)
Autumn, happy weekend and week and day and hour - always. :)
Love,
Aggie
Good heavens, I've been away too long. Not just on one blog!
Still kicking the habit? My hat is off to you. My Sweetie hasn't worked up the nerve to quit again... he smoked at 15 when I first met him, and has all these years since. sigh. I love him so much - would help if I could.
more later
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