-Buddha
I think I hurt them all.
I think I only feel my own pain now.
I think I shut them out.
They couldn't help anyway.
I turned them all against me.
It wasn't entirely on purpose.
It was subconscous mostly - although -
I knew I was doing it.
And a part of me revels in the solitude...
rolls in the emptiness...
It is a self-pitying part of me.
It is my fault.
Why then, can I not feel regret?
Only apathy.
I have lost compassion
even for myself.
I lock the door behind me
and walk away into the darkness.
I don't look back.
I won't.
I think, "they'll forget me in time."
I was only a burden to them.
I could fix this.
I could try.
I don't know how though.
I'm shocked at how no one else
tries.
They just blame and anger.
I don't have the answers...
neither do they apparently.
I wonder, "where is their compassion."
And I realize, there never was.
I am alone of my own doing.
I am alone of their doing.
I am alone.
4 comments:
Aggie, I'm in deep listening mode and waiting to hug you at 10pm. I won't bring words, just me.
Just let it hang - you'll get through this. One little hour at a time, resting under the shade of a giant tree. This too shall pass.
oh agnes, you sound so much like me it is like you peeked in my head but those were your thoughts. I hope you find what you need to not feel this way. I hope I do too.
Thanks Tree. You know your shoulder is always good for me. :)
Terry, that's wise words. It's so hard to see an end in sight when that particular wave washes over me.
Oliviah, I am truly sorry to hear that. I do hope we can both find a way to move to a happier (more consistently happy) place. If I ever find the answer, I promise to share. ;) HUGS
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