"Due to having many parts there is no unity,
There is not anything without parts.
Further, without one, there is not many.
Also, without existence there is no non-existence.
-Nagarjuna, "Precious Garland"
There are people who set out to "find themselves". I wonder what that means. Maybe I am doing that here.
The circumstances of this blog and it's viewers have made me increasingly aware of the masks I wear in the world.
To see me at home, I am responsible and loving. At work, I am socially acceptable, professional, happy, friendly and sort of sarcastic-cynical. With family I am giving and caring. With each friend I am different.
But who am I REALLY? If I were left alone for days or months, who would I be? The answer is too easy and yet it shakes me to the core to realize it.
In my mind I am an artist. I am content in long quiet days. I am bathed in music. I am flowing love. I am not concerned about anyone's ability to give back.
I am a pierced, tatooed punk kid with funky hair and odd fitting black clothing and mountains of angst to describe on canvas. I am politicaly, socially and ecologically involved. I am growing into an old hippy woman in bright flowing clothes and beads and long gray hair. I meditate my faith and I hope for humanity.
I am proud. I am free.
How is it that I know all of the above and yet, I am not that person? Why do we hide behind these masks? Why do I not embrace the person I want to be and just be damned with the opinions of others?
1 comment:
Agnes, how I wish I knew the answer to that question. For every mask I remove I only discover another, and then another. How I long to see and to be who and what I am. Great post.
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