Here it is. It has it's own wonderful sun.
I promise I'm not going to start a whole story, the likes of our most talented Trée. I assure you that is not my gift. However, I did find some jewels in the Ribbon Galaxy. They're used to make Ribbon Colors.
Today's quote: (and, boy howdy, it's a good one!)
If you are going through hell...keep going.
-Winston Churchill
Today's post....not so good.
The Problem with Never Agains:
I'm having a problem with "Never Agains". It started with Mickey. It's part of coping. I don't do it very well aparently.
We lit the fireplace for the first time this year. Mick used to LOVE the fireplace. I could hold a lighter near it and he would come running and plop himself in front of it. Ohhh...he loved that intense heat.
I was overwhelmed with the thought that I will "never again sit with him in my lap in front of a fire". Overwhelmed is the right word there.
The dry catfood container finally emptied out from feeding our little cat, Pooh.
I went to refill it and realized that we have a HUGE bag of dry catfood in the cabinet. It wasn't huge before because Mick was so big and he really ate a lot.
I was overwhelmed with the realization that we may NEVER AGAIN run out of dry catfood.
I am overwhelmed that the canned catfood lasts twice as long now. I am overwhelmed that I will never again pick up my baby. I am overwhelmed that I will never again hear his voice.
I could go on like this for hours.
Damned never agains.
But then something horrible happened. The never agains started relating to my father.
Granted, they are now "may never agains" but that sure doesn't change how painful they are.
I may never again have a funny IM chat with my Dad. I may never again share music with him. He may never again be close to his gradson. He may never again take a trip with my mom.
He may never again look at the moon in Houston and know that I'm looking at that same moon in Dallas.
This goes on and on and on. TV, radio, our LIVES. Forever altered by never agains.
Damned evil never agains.
8 comments:
Agnes, there is no time limit and coping just means getting through to the other side, which you will, no matter what comes your way.
Stunningly gorgoeous fractals, esp. the jewels!
Hope you have that peaceful weekend this time around, x
I can relate with a lotof "never agains". Somehow, it tend to become more of them the older you get too.
The only thing I can say is that they will always, ALWAYS...be replaced by other things that means a lot to you. They will never vanish completely, but instead of being in the front row of your daily thoughts, they will back up a bit and sit in front of that fireplace together with what life will give you in the future.
That is how we cope with losing and that is how we move on.
Like Autumn just said - I hope this weekend is more peaceful for you :hugs:
You see? That's exactly why I post the things I do. Perspectives and insights. I so need what you all give so openly and freely.
Autumn, I really have to keep "the other side" in my thoughts. I know it exists.
I've often thought "wouldn't it be great if we could see ourselves at a time in the future when we're happy?" Often when we're hurting we can't see through the moment we're in.
Christa, you're right about "more of them the older we get." There's more of a lot of things the older we get. I guess that's why I still don't wanna be a grown-up. ;)
You are also so VERY right that they will be replaced by other things. I suppose that's really the nature of life, isn't it?
I will eventually move those thoughts and things to that place where I keep my yesterdays safe.
For others I have always been that wall to lean on. I've always been the one to find the hope that gets us through this day. Rarely in this life have I needed that from someone else. I do now. I am so wholly thankful to know that I do not have to go it alone.
It is hugely possible that this blog has something (maybe everything) to do with fate.
Aggie, I suppose there is no way to avoid those "never agains". Those moments of reflection, and subsequent overwhelmedness come without warning and stay until the tears threaten to wash us away. Just know that there are many of us who know exactly how you are feeling, and reach our hearts out to yours in suppport and caring. Hugs across the miles Aggie -
Aggie, at 10pm tonight go outside and look into the night sky. Find the moon. I will do the same. Together we will bathe in the same moonlight, looking at the same image, together. It's the same moon, the same reflected light and the same thought that I am only as far away as a few paces outside your backdoor at night. Peace my dear sweet sexy friend. :-)
Oh, and nice kick*** fractals from my fan-f***ing-tastic fractal making babe. :-D
Tracey, it does seem hardest because of the holiday, I think. So much worry this year. I wholly feel for your loss too. I told a friend the other day "I never really understood what it meant to lose a parent. Now, I get it. I really do." I know you do too. That means a lot.
Terry, You always seem to know exactly how to touch that part of my heart that needs healing.
Those moments of reflection, and subsequent overwhelmedness come without warning and stay until the tears threaten to wash us away.
I have no doubt now that others know exactly how I'm feeling.
Your support and caring (and everyone's) is very likely how I get through these days.
Trée - no human being on this earth touches me like you do. Just when I'm feeling like all is lost you come along and give me something to look forward to...some knowledge that the end is nowhere near....that tomorrows won't be lonely.
I will be sitting in the grass this cold evening, looking up at that big moon...and I will know, with complete certainty, that I am safe in your heart.
You're all invited to that little party tonight. Raise a glass to that moon and think wonderful things about each other. I will.
Peace to you, dear sweet man.
Right back atcha with the fractalizations. ;)
Damn those Never Agains. But like you said Churchill said,you're going through a bit of hell, so keep going.
I wish I had the words to say, advice to give on how you "keep going." All I know to say is my thoughts and prayers are with you. Know that your readers all care deeply for you, and we'll be here for you!
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