12-27-05

I'm home in Dallas. Dad is "stable".
We all went up to see him on Christmas day. His mind was clear and he knew all of us.
He saw the kids. That was important. He smiled for them and talked to them too.
It was a good day....as days go now.

***
As for taking notes: the cancer is not killing my father. MD Anderson is mostly.
He has been there for three weeks. He is dying of starvation.
Every symptom* he has is a result of malnutrition, not of the tumor. The tumor is not growing and it is being irradiated daily. I'm told it isn't big enough to diminish his breathing and that he would have no less lung capacity if they removed the entire upper lobe of the left lung. They cannot do surgery because he is too weak.
He is too weak because he consumes no more than 100 calories per day - possibly less.
My mother has mentioned to doctors and nurses that he has difficulty eating. My mother has watched him take 3 bites of food and be done with a meal.
He needs a feeding tube.
I know it will be uncomfortable but he is very like an anorexic and should be treated as such.
It is ultimately Mom's decision. She hasn't made that decision yet because she is afraid he will a) suffer or be uncomfortable b) be mad at her.

For the record, codependency is B-A-D. Don't do it. There's way too much guilt involved.

(*symptoms: inability to breathe, arrhythmia, low blood pressure, mood swings, confusion, loss of elasticity of the skin, weakness. Possible results if not treated: liver damage, heart failure, stroke)
***

I want to thank you all so very much for sticking with me. I hate that I am posting such uninspiring and sad things. I know that it is hard to walk into this world every day without being dragged down a bit. I thank you all so much for your comments.
Please know that I read every word of every comment (some two and three times).
Know also that you are all very much a part of my heart and I know that I will never forget you. If I had arms to reach, I would hold you all close.

XOXOXO