Therapy. Is it because I'm nuts or is it making me nuts? That's the question here.
Once every other week or so I spend an hour of my life with an absolutely lovely woman. We chat. We discuss. We attempt to gain some perspective about what ails me emotionally.
Each time I leave I feel a little bit better. Like I can take on the world afterall.
I think, I should really write down what we talked about so I don't forget it.
And then yesterday happened.
Some sort of...epiphany. An icky epiphany.
I don't disbelieve what she alluded to. In fact, I'm certain that she's on the right track. I also feel I might be in a bit of denial.
Here's the gist.
Hello. My name is Aggie and I am an Addict. I am addicted to crisis.
I worry. Not about me but about everyone around me and then about me. I live my whole life in a state of "waiting for the other shoe to drop". If no shoe is currently dropping, I am confused and concerned and I begin looking for who has the shoe.
I didn't realize I did this, but to hear it from someone's mouth sure made it feel real.
Oddly, it all ties back to the kidney stones. Let's assume they are a manifestation of crisis. The crisis of my best friend came up and then this came up just after. This crisis happened to counter the one I could not control.
What is life like without crisis? I find that I really don't know.
Isn't that odd?
Well fine. I am an Addict and I am now in recovery. I will learn to stop waiting for the shoe to drop. Maybe when I do, stone #3 will just be gone.
Happy Thursday.