10-03-05 12:35 a.m. The dreams I'm not having

Not at all surprised that I'm awake tonight. Went to bed with bitter thoughts. Can't think myself out of it by lying still.

Dreams
**I woke this morning from a dream. It was a good dream. That will sound odd as I go on.
I dreamt that I was moving into a smaller place. Throwing out all the clutter and only filling the space with necessity. I was leaving so much behind to do it. It was sad and cleansing at the same time.
I was very uncomfortable about it when I awoke.

**I have a recurring dream. It is in third person. I see myself from the back. I am standing at the edge of a lake. The wind is lightly blowing the tall grass around me. My long hair and long skirt are blowing as well.
A man passes behind me. He glances my way and stops. He recognizes me even from behind and even though we've not seen each other in many years.
He walks up slowly and puts a gentle hand on my shoulder. I turn slowly to face him. He looks for a moment and his eyes fill with tears of joy. He says "I knew it was you."
There is a long pause. I slowly reach up and stroke his cheek with my hand. My eyes brim with tears as well.
And as the first tear falls down my cheek, I say "No. No it's not." I turn and walk away, leaving him in the past forever.
(I am completely aware of the cause of this dream because I know the very first time I had it and what it means.)

**The first dream I can remember having, I had when I was 2 years old. The dream involved me being in a dangerous situation and someone saving me at the last moment. I've told my mother about that dream and she told me the person I remember was the boy next door. He was 20 then. She said he adored me. Apparently, I adored him as well. His name was Michael. Wouldn't it be interesting if I could speak to him now?
Regardless, this theme returns over and over. It has all of my life. At times they repeat so often that I begin to believe they are a memory instead of a dream.
Odd though. I don't recall ever being in a perilous situation or being saved from one.
Something about someone coming to my rescue seems to be comforting to me. It's probably horribly Freudian.

Insomnia comes when the longing in my soul cannot be quieted. It comes when I cannot locate, in my mind, that savior.

So you find yourself on this rock

Spinning 'round he sun

Where the clock hands color every chance.

Before the music's over

and your songs have all been sung

Tell me what will you bring to the dance?

Some things only you can decide.

Find your way to satisfy

this longing deep inside.

Help me.

Hear me calling.

Come catch me.

I think I'm falling.

I know I'm running out of time.

Wide eyed - Full of wonder.

I can't hold out much longer.

Come save me

from this heart of mine.

Save me from this

longing.

Love will not surrender

to the pull of gravity.

It feeds the hunger

of the tides that rise and fall

Every ripple set in motion

spinning into mystery

Leaves me humble

at the beauty of it all.

Still the longing cannot be denied;

All the stories of blood and bone

buried deep inside.

Help me.
Hear me calling.
Come catch me, I think I'm falling.
I know I'm running out of time.
Wide eyed - Full of wonder
I can't hold out much longer.
Come save me
from this heart of mine.
Save me

Save me

Save me

from this longing

deep inside.

So you find yourself on this rock.

Spinning 'round the sun...

~Rik Emmett~