I'm pondering "love". What it is. What it should be.
Not family love. Not pet love.
Significant-other love.
This all started because of a preview for the movie Elizabethtown.
The line that caught me was "Rembember when you could spend all night on the phone just listening to each other breathe?"
I do.
I wonder why we lose that? I wonder if we can get that back?
I wonder if it never should have been lost at all.
I have much to say on the matter and intend to collect my thoughts before posting.
In the meantime, I thought maybe I'd throw it out to the wind and see what whisperings came back.
14 comments:
You sound so philosophic that I almost hate to ruin it with facts ;)
But this is the way it is.
Falling in love is really very selfish, coz what you do is that you compare notes and you talk about yourself the whole time. Both parts do. You see reflections of yourself in the other person that you like about yourself, it's that simple.
When reality knocks the door (which usually happens after about a year) you can either overcome that or you end up splitting up. They say that it'll take about a year to become "yourself" again and do what you like to do etc. Before that you pretty much do what your partner want to.
I might sound synical, but that's the way it is for everyone. And that's also why those nice things, like breathing over the phone, disappear. They vanish when we walk back into our own personal corner and have to accept each other the way we are.
i can totally see where you're coming from with this post. its actually something that i've been thinking about A LOT lately.
my hubby and i have our first baby. she's almost 7 months old. you hear everyone saying that "EVERYTHING changes when you have a baby." i really get what they mean now.
is there a way to get that lovey feeling back? i sure hope so. cuz i ardently miss it.
If you figure out where to find it...please fill me in...
Christa, I wholly agree with your assessment. I tend toward the logical (synical) as well. Your words are exactly the kind I'm looking to draw from for the dissertation I will be posting when time allows. I may quote you.
I must add that I believe two things: 1) Not everyone is this way. This is the norm, but there are those who are uniquely able to retain that otherworldly fascination with one another.
2) We move through cycles in our lives. Sometimes we meet on the same page again and these feelings can start over with the same person. I've witnessed it and been a part of it. I promise to elaborate.
Becky, welcome to my strange little corner of the world. Super congrats on that beautiful baby. She's just about crawling now, huh?
My husband and I have never had children so I can't speak from experience about the impact, but I feel (believe) that situation number two (above) definitely applies.
Come back any time and often. :)
. . .sneaks in and realizes there is a woman's tea party going on and so on tip toes sneaks back out . . .
lol....hey you, come back here!! lol
Linny, I have a lot of ideas. I don't know about answers.
Trée you big chicken! Get back in here. We're going to need a male perspective!
And there is not tea - only beer and scotch at this party.
Really? count me in as well then! Interesting subject this, and a confusing one - I particulary like christa's thoughts - I've never thought of it being selfish at all, but it's understandable, not to mention - frightening!
Oh Tomeh! You are at the perfect age. Have you fallen in love yet? If so, what made you believe it was love?
It is just around your age that I believed most completely. (Before I got old and jaded. LOL)
I think you lose that feeling because after a while you get to know the person and they become familier, therefore the love becomes more like family love. Being 'in love' is certainly selfish because it makes you think of yourself and your feelings constantly - but it's lovely! I'm old and jaded but I've got that wonderful 'I'm in love' feeling back and it's heavenly and I know I shouldn't, because I've been married for 35 years! (and no I'm not in love with the man I married) but I want to keep this feeling as long as possible as it may not come round again.
I can relate to what you said here, Becky. My first marriage went down the drain very quickly after my son was born. There were just not enough energy (or time) left for anything else but the baby and he never understood that.
Then again, I was 19 and he 21...but sometimes I doubt that age has anything to do with that. It tend to happen anyway.
Beer and scotch. Okay, I'm back in. Now which one of you ladies and going to pop out of the cake? We do have cake don't we. lmao. ;-)
No-one has ever asked me that question before! But yes, I was! Once... The things that made me feel love was real... I thought about that person just before going to bed and when I woke up (no, honest!) I loved the way she was with me, used to spend hours talking phone,text,online etc. Sometimes I would act like her, we had such laughs, it became obvious I liked her loads - I started sidetracking from friends to be with her (the wrong thing to do lol) Ah you just have that feeling! I went out with another girl after we split up and things didnt feel the same - it was clear I had to end the relationship.
I can no longer be with anyone until I can feel that flame again! That sensation.
Ah Tomeh...that's exactly what I'm talking about. That feeling that makes everything in the world more colorful.
Do not ever ever settle for someone who does not give you that feeling!!!
More on this later. Much more on this very thing.
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