Two weeks ago I sat across from my father in our family living room. I told him of my plan to quit smoking. Two weeks of one med, then stop, then the other med, then freedom. This is the way he quit and so my confidence came across in my words.
His eyes welled with tears and rimmed with red. I can't recall ever seeing my father cry.
His voice cracked and he said "Nothing you could say to me would make me happier."
In that moment I saw his mother, his father, his uncles and grandfather. All of them showed though him as he fought his own pain. Three generations of cancer. Five slow, painful deaths. The burden in his mind at this very moment 35 years strong.
Today is my "quit date". I have been working toward it for more than a month. I am medicated and prepped. It is very very hard regardless.
I am listing things that I can do instead. I am trying to stay busy. I am emptying all ashtrays behind my husband so I am not tempted to inhale a half smoked opportunity.
Today is a hard day but I have my father in my heart and he is helping me. I even called him up to hear his voice and told him about my struggle. He understands and he encourages.
I will endure.
I hope he will as well.
10 comments:
You can do it Agnes!!! I know you can. I'm so proud of you...this is the best thing you could have done.
Agnes, you CAN do it..
Thanks so much for the support. I had one weak moment today but I'll take that as a pretty good start. ;)
The American Cancer Society has blogs and phone counselling. I may take advantage of them. I really want to succeed this time. No going back.
And Phred - the Wellbutrin doesn't seem to have any side effects except to keep me on an even keel emotionally. The Xanax, which I started today, kind of makes me lethargic. Together though, they seem to be getting the job done pretty well.
Good luck, Agnes :hugs: That hubby of yours should do the same.
Thanks Christa. I think I'll have to lead him by example. That's my hope anyway.
I had a bit of trouble on artba.be.
I posted my drawing, but I can't figure out how to get it in my gallery. Ah well, I will eventually. Three more days and I'll have lots more time on my hands. (Holiday w/o hubby) ;)
And by the way, the tulips and lilies are gorgeous.
Agnes, thanks for the info on the drugs. After all these years, it is going to take something like that for me.
I work with a guy that took Wellbutrin, and it worked for him.
Hang in there.
Phred, don't go thinking it's a miracle drug. It helps but there is so much psychological reprogramming you have to do to get there.
I've spent three months thinking "what can I do instead of smoke this cigarette". The past few days, every time I would pick one up, other things would come to mind. The wellbutrin helps me put down that smoke and go do something else. So far, the Xanax makes me not care if I smoke. That's better.
Rooting for you, no need though, know you will make it!
Agnes, I'm really rooting for you too. Your post tightened my throat as I read it. I'm glad you shared with your dad. His encouragement is probably more of a motivator than anything else. One day at a time - one moment at a time. You can do it.
You might want to check out lungusa.org (American Lung Association's Freedom From Smoking Program and message board), woofmang.com (a fellow quitter's stories and message board) and/or whyquit.com (you can't get too much of the truth about smoking). I quit four years and three months ago, and I absolutely love living free. I'd say, "good luck," but it has nothing to do with luck... be strong; do whatever it takes to stay quit!
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